Try Honesty
by Depraved Doll
Summary: What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot in reference to Dean and what if Dean somehow found out? Wincest
1. Chapter 1

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

A/N- set after asylum because I noticed that there were a lot of things that needed to be discussed after that episode that were just pushed aside and ignored. Which could not be good for either of Dean or Sam's mental states so I decided to be a good little authoress and fill the void. Hope you enjoy and please leave a review n.n

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**_Prologue _**

Dean hadn't spoken to him much in days, had looked at him even less, driving had quickly become hell. They needed to talk, that was more than apparent but everytime Sam tried to talk to Dean he would either turn up the radio and drown him out with Metallica or stop the car and say that he needed to go for a walk. In the end Sam had resorted to just staring out of the window. He knew he had upset Dean, felt really badly for doing so, but if Dean wouldn't talk to him then how could he ever explain that he hadn't meant a word of it. Well… hadn't meant to say it to his face anyway…

As if Dean had heard the thought he stopped the car causing Sam to jump and hazard a glance over at his older brother who glared at him briefly before slipping out of the car and slamming the door. Sam groaned and let his head fall forward against the dashboard, a sickeningly loud thud filling the air as he did so. A while later the passenger door was opened and Sam glanced over to see Dean leaning against the side of the car.

"Come on, I got us a motel room, I don't know about you but I'm fucking tired," he explained before turning and walking away. Sam sighed and slipped from the car, slamming the door closed as he jogged to catch up with his older brother.

"Dean… is everything ok between us, you've been really quiet since we left the Asylum, I thought that we'd cleared the air and were ok." Sam said as Dean opened the motel room and stepped inside.

"Everything's fine Sam, I'm just tired and I've got a headache, all in all I haven't been feeling very talkative." The elder explained as he dumped his bags and jacket beside his bed before he collapsed onto it, obviously hoping that that would bring an end to the conversation. He loved Sam, he really did, but he just didn't want to talk to him. Not right then at least. Infact he would have preferred to eat broken glass than talk to Sam about what had happened back at the Asylum. He just wanted to try and forget it, but Sam was more than determined not to let this slide. Sometimes the kid just didn't know when to give up.

"Is that really all it is Dean?" Sam asked as he sat on the edge of Dean's bed, the elder growled and rolled over, glaring at the younger male before he pushed himself off of the bed and stalked towards the bathroom.

"Yeah, now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a shower," Dean all but snarled as he slammed the door, leaning against the wood. He didn't want to shout at Sammy, didn't want to frown everytime he saw him. Didn't want to wonder what he really thought of Dean, if all that he had said in the asylum was true. Because deep down he knew that it probably was. He knew it because he wasn't someone that was easily liked. Infact nine out of ten people hated him from the first moment they saw him. Why couldn't Sam be one of the nine?

Sam knew him better than anyone in the world, if people hated him immediately then what would they think of him after years of living with him? He didn't even want to think about it. Sighing he turned on the shower, waiting for it to heat up before he stripped down and stepped under the stream of water. He wanted to break down, he wanted to cry, more than anything he wanted to bash his head against the fucking wall until his skull caved in and all the fucking pain stopped.

He shivered then a few moments later realised that the water had gone cold, sighing heavily he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it round his waist. He walked across the tiled floor to the sink, bracing his hands against the porcelain as he stared at the mirror that was clouded with steam. He was somewhat grateful for it, because sometimes when he stared at his reflection he hated himself too. Not that anyone would ever notice by the way he acted, after all, over time he had become very good at hiding his emotions, at pretending to be ok. Sometimes not even he himself knew if he was ok or not.

He felt moisture on his cheek and reached up to brush it away, as he did so the steam on the mirror began to clear and it suddenly occurred to him that he was crying. Dean Winchester was crying, something that he hadn't done for years, because it was a weakness. A weakness he swore that he wouldn't have. He stared up at the mirror, the steam having completely cleared, locked eyes with his reflection, and somehow resisted the overwhelming urge to smash it to hell.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself down he ran his hands over his face and replaced his perfectly stoic mask. The mask that he knew wouldn't last for forever and would one day, most likely sooner than not, shatter into a thousand tiny pieces and leave him completely and utterly vulnerable. Would allow people to see that he had emotions, weaknesses, and the thousands of faults that he always struggled so desperately to keep hidden. With another deep breath he pushed all the thoughts to the back of his mind and wandered over to the door.

The first thing that he noticed when he stepped into the bedroom was that Sam was fast asleep, curled up underneath the covers of his bed. He sighed in relief, because it meant that he didn't have to talk about things that he would rather not. Running a hand through his hair he walked over to his bag, dropping the towel and grabbing a pair of clean boxer shorts, he quickly pulled them on and walked over to the table where Sam had placed the laptop. Dean hadn't really been able to sleep the past few days, relying on a hell of a lot of strong coffee to keep him going. He just couldn't face closing his eyes. Couldn't face repeating the events at the Asylum as he dreamt.

Yawning he brought the laptop over to his bed and began to load it up. With a shaking hand he reached out, lifting his leather jacket from where he had dropped it on top of his duffel bag earlier. He bit down harshly on his lip as he slipped his hand into the right pocket, lifting a cassette tape into view. Hazel eyes burned slightly as he stared at the tape, the thought crossing his mind that if it had been anyone else then they wouldn't have had anything to play it on. The day of the cassette having long since passed. However it hadn't been anyone else, it was Dean and he could play it but everytime he touched it a shiver ran up his spine and he felt nauseous.

Sam stirred in the bed next to his and he placed the tape back into the right pocket of his leather jacket before he dropped the coat back onto the duffel bag and cast his attention at the computer screen glowing before him. With another yawn he brought up the Internet and began to search for any supernatural activity close to where they were. Sifting through piles of information with a skilled ease. He knew that it wasn't the most interesting thing in the world and that he would have to fight to stay awake, but he needed to do _something _he couldn't just sit there and think. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't leave incase something attacked Sammy whilst he was asleep, so he did the only thing that he could. He worked.

Sam whimpered softly in his sleep, causing Dean to tense completely and pray to whatever Gods were willing to listen to him to let Sam have a real dream of lollipops and candy canes, because he couldn't handle watching his baby brother suffer from another one of his nightmares. But at the same time he couldn't handle holding Sam in his arms and telling him that everything was going to be ok. Because he could feel himself breaking and he didn't have the energy anymore to try and hold Sam together whilst he himself just fell apart.

He buried his head into his hands and almost cried with relief when Sam settled down, falling once again into what was hopefully a peaceful sleep filled with fluffy bunnies and all things nice. Maybe he was being selfish but hecouldn't handle one of Sam's nightmares tonight, any other night he would stay up all night and rock Sam to sleep if he had to, but he couldn't handle it tonight and not fall apart. Dean could be strong, as strong as anything, but contrary to popular belief he also had moments of weakness.

Refocusing his attention onto the laptop Dean began to sift through files that had been brought up.

"Dean?" He jumped slightly taken aback by his name being called out, he turned his head to see Sam yawning and rubbing his eyes free of sleep. "Why are you still up? I thought that you were tired," Sam mumbled as he sat up, resting on his elbows as he glanced over at his older brother.

"I had to check something," the elder explained, returning his gaze to the screen of the laptop,

"Dean… something's wrong isn't it, and stop saying that everything is fine because it's clearly not. Do you think I'm stupid or something? I know that you haven't been sleeping and I know that you really don't want to talk about it, but Dean you need to sleep, please. I'm worried about you. Whatever it is surely it can wait till the morning."

"Sammy, please, just drop it and go back to sleep, I will finish what I am doing and then I will go to sleep, ok?" Dean asked, briefly glancing over at Sam who was now sat on the very edge of his bed. Bedside light on. Eyes firmly glued to Dean's frame.

"What exactly is so important that it can't wait till tomorrow morning Dean?" Sam almost pleaded,

"Sam, stop, I have a headache, I'm not that tired I just want some peace and quiet, I'm sorry if I woke you up but please, go back to sleep." The elder sighed softly and began to sift through the files once again ignoring the fact that Sam's gaze refused to stray from his form. After a few long minutes of silence Dean's phone started to beep from the bedside table. Dean made no move to get it, just continued to stare at the computer screen; with a sigh Sam leant over and lifted the phone from the table. Flipping it open he quickly glanced at the text message before running a hand through his hair and placing it back down on the bedside table.

"It's co-ordinates Dean, dad's got another job for us, so stop looking for one." Sam practically snarled as he reached over and turned off the light before rolling over in his bed so that his back was facing his older brother and closing his eyes as tightly as he could. The humming of the laptop informed him that Dean was still working, he'd probably now moved onto working out where they were going next and compiling information on that town. Trying to find out what it was that they were hunting.

Sam loved Dean he really did but he wished that he wasn't so hard headed and stubborn about everything. Wished that, even if it was only once, he could open up instead of keeping all of his emotions bottled up inside because if he continued to live like that then it would eventually kill him and Sam knew that he couldn't do _this _without Dean. He couldn't hunt, probably couldn't even live because Dean was everything to him.

"Dean," Sam started but didn't roll over to face his brother, just continued to stare off into the darkness of the room. "I can't stand you giving me the cold shoulder anymore, I really wish that you would tell me what I've done so that I could make it up to you and things could go back to the way they were. But I know that you're not one for supposed 'chick-flick' moments and that you're not going to open up and tell me what's wrong. So I guess what I'm trying to say is… I'm sorry… for whatever it is that I did that upset you so fucking much." Dean glanced between Sam and his jacket lying on the floor, his gaze eventually falling to rest on the jacket.

"I know Sammy, but sometimes sorry just isn't good enough." Dean admitted softly and slammed the laptop closed. Walking over to the table and placing it back where he had found it before returning to his bed and climbing into it. Facing away from Sam so that they both had their backs to each other. Neither of them liked having this wedge driven between them, but there was just too much left unsaid, so much that needed to be discussed but that they were too afraid to even breach the subject of.

Sighing in defeat Sam stood from his bed and walked over to Dean's climbing in beside his brother, like he had used to do when they were children. Whenever Dean had been angry with him over something or not talking to him Sam would climb into Dean's bed and though nothing was ever really resolved by it there was a sense of acceptance and care that seemed to relax the two of them and allow them to forget whatever they were arguing over. Even if it was just for one night.

As Sam wrapped his arms around his brother he noticed how Dean tensed at the contact but after a few moments he relaxed and allowed Sam to hold onto him. Sometimes it was easier not to talk, easier to just lie there and pretend that the problems didn't exist than to confront them. Though ultimately they both knew that they would have to talk about it eventually or be forced to go their separate ways, and neither wanted that to happen.

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_Alright, that was shit, but this is just the prologue, I'm sorry for it being so sketchy and so emotionally unstable but I guess I'm trying to reflect Sam and Dean's emotional states in the writing style. (And failing miserably) Sorry for the shitness but please come back next chapter and read what should be a decent piece of writing, the plot will be introduced, things will be revealed, confrontations will be held. And who knows maybe I'll get to the good stuff sooner than expected._

_Sorry once again and please come back for the better part of the fic…_


	2. Rosenkreuz

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, hope you all got the little messages I sent you, thanks for the reviews and here is the next chapter n.n**

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**_Rosenkreuz_**

Dean sighed heavily as he rocked the tape inbetween his forefinger and thumb, contemplating what to do with it. He could destroy it, burn it and forget everything about it, forget that it had ever even existed. Or, he could remove the Metallica tape currently playing in the Impala's radio and replace it with the tape in his hand. With a deep breath and a shaking hand he reached forward, pressing the eject button and staring blankly at the end of the Metallica tape. Sighing he gently pulled it out, going to replace it with the other tape when the passenger door was flung open and Sam slid back into the Impala.

Returning the tape to his pocket Dean picked up one of his Led Zeppelin ones and slid it into the tape player as if that had been his intention all along. Sam however did not even notice the tapes being switched as he studied a newspaper before dropping it into Dean's lap and closing his door. Dean lifted the newspaper and glanced over it quickly, shrugging softly and looking over at Sam who just stared at him expectantly. Obviously knowing something that his older brother did not.

"What exactly am I looking at Sammy?" Dean asked as he returned his gaze to the newspaper, the younger male sighed and reached behind them, lifting their dad's journal from the back seat and flipping it open as he started looking for a certain page that he had noticed before.

"Well I was talking to the woman in the shop and apparently there have been several unexplained incidents down at the Rosenkreuz Asylum,"

"What kind of incidents?" Dean asked, noting how the newspaper said absolutely nothing about any 'incidents' or any Asylums. Sam turned to look at him with a slight smile.

"I don't know, the woman wouldn't go into any more detail once she realised that I wasn't from around here. So I brought the local newspaper, there's nothing about it in there either,"

"Maybe she was just winding you up, playing a trick on you because you're an outsider, people in small towns have been known to do that. Make up stories, it's happened to me more than once." Dean explained as he dropped the newspaper onto the back seat and pulled out of the car park.

"That's what I thought, but then I realised that I remembered the word Rosenkreuz from somewhere, that I'd seen it before, read about the Asylum." Sam explained as he stopped flipping through the journal, "and I have, in dad's journal, he's tagged it," Sam said, when Dean reached a red light he quickly glanced down at the page that Sam was looking at.

"What does it say?" Dean asked returning his gaze to the light that had suddenly switched to green,

"It doesn't say anything much, just that there were a couple of unexplained incidents that had happened there, that people had died and no one could work out why. The local police said that it was the work of a serial killer and that they had apprehended a suspect but from what Dad says no one was ever arrested in connection to these deaths. Meaning that either the police were covering something up or had no idea what had happened and were just trying to convince the townspeople that everything was ok," Sam said as he closed the journal and leant back in his seat.

"Ok well that gives us a lot to go on, do we even know where the Asylum is? The past of the place? Anything?" Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair shrugging softly as he leant his head against the window.

"Uh, the Asylum is tucked away on the very edge of the town, somewhere in the woods, I guess the townspeople didn't really like the idea of parading the fact that they had some… slightly unstable people in the town. Other than that we have absolutely nothing to go on." Sam admitted,

"Not good for business I guess," Dean sighed, "well, we should probably find some of the local hang outs, try to find out as much information from the towns people as possible. Starting out with the most recent incidents and working our way back. Then we'll have to try and find out as much information as we can from local records, police reports, newspaper stories, coroners reports, whatever we can find. After that we can go to the Asylum check the place out and if there's anything supernatural in there, we can blow it to hell." Dean explained,

"Ok, where should we start?"

"There's a bar coming up, I'm thinking we could start there."

"Surprise, surprise," Sam muttered softly as Dean pulled into the car park of the local bar. Dean just rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Got to start somewhere Sam, may aswell make some money at the same time," Dean chuckled as he slipped out of the car and strolled towards the entrance. Sam just sighed as he watched his brother walk away, on the positive side they were talking, but it was only about work and Sam didn't know about Dean but this whole Asylum thing really had him on edge. It was an understatement to say that they had had bad experiences with Asylums in the past. Shaking the thoughts away Sam reached into the back and picked up their father's journal once again. Flipping back to the page about the Asylum.

It wasn't unusual for small communities to try and keep a dark past hidden, after all, as Dean had said it wasn't exactly good for business to have a bloodied past. Was even worse to have that past come back to bite you in the ass. Still Sam couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right here, since when could anyone gag the media? He wasn't sure how much time had passed before Dean returned, waving a wad of cash in Sam's face and chuckling as he slid the money into his back pocket.

"So, did you find anything out?" Sam asked, closing the journal,

"There weren't many people in there, one woman said that she knew that something bad had happened there in the past and that some people had died there a few weeks ago but that she didn't really know herself. Apparently the older people in the town don't like to talk about the old place much. A young male reporter whose money I won, told me that he had been going to write the story but apparently the editor refused to run it. Saying that it wasn't important and would be a waste of time to investigate it, they put him on another story and have been paying pretty close attention to his work. Sound strange to you?"

"A little, do you think the whole town is trying to keep it quiet?"

"Looks that way, at the moment I think our best bet is to find out what happened to those people a few weeks back and what happened in the past. The elders aren't willing to talk to us and the younger people who are don't have a lot to say on the matter so I guess we're stuck with records." Dean explained as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot,

"It's getting late, the library will be closed by now we should find a motel and see what we can dig up on the Internet. Then head out to the library tomorrow," Sam suggested, Dean just nodded catching site of a sign for a nearby motel and following the directions that were printed on it. "It's strange though, not many towns are this testy over local legends or dark pasts. I don't get it, why didn't dad find out more about this, why is he sending us here now?"

"I don't know, maybe they had everything sealed up really tight back then or he had to leave and go check out something else and just never made it back. Whatever the reason we're here now and whether it be supernatural or not I'm kinda intrigued to find out what happened in this shitty little place." Dean explained, putting on the windscreen wipers as it started to rain. Sam ran a hand through his hair before leaning his head against the window again.

"I don't know what it is Dean but I have this feeling that something's not right here,"

"It could be your feminine intuition" Dean joked, smirking at Sam who just rolled his eyes.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Sam ground out sarcastically, glaring over at Dean, when the elder male turned his gaze back to the road however the glare turned into a soft smile. He'd missed this, and although he knew that Dean was only doing it to make Sam believe that everything was ok between them he was grateful for it. Because it felt good for things to be back to normal, even if it was only on the surface of things and even if it was only for a little while, whilst they were distracted by work.

It didn't take long to get to the motel and the time was filled with humorous banter between the two brothers. With a slight sigh Dean parked the car and went to ask about a room, Sam just watched him walk away, completely entranced with the way his brother moved. Realising that to any other human being it would appear that he had been ogling Dean Sam turned away, blinked several times and ran his hand over his face before slipping out of the car and leaning against it. Staring at the sky as light raindrops hit into him,

Infact he was so out of it that he didn't notice Dean return with a key, didn't notice the frown that crossed his elder brothers face as he caught sight of him. And he didn't notice how Dean turned that frown into his trademarked smile, masking how he truly felt once again. With a deep intake of breath Dean waltzed over to where the younger male was stood, standing beside him and following Sam's gaze upwards, trying to see what Sammy was finding so interesting. He couldn't.

"What the fuck are we looking at?" Dean asked playfully causing Sam to jump about a mile and bite his bottom lip to stop himself from screaming out. Dean just smirked, seemingly proud with how he had terrified his baby brother. "Got to keep your wits about you Sam, I could have killed you then," Dean explained softly, walking over to the trunk of the car and popping it open grabbing their duffel bags and throwing one to Sam.

"Yeah I know, I just drifted off was all, thinking about all this, I don't get it." Sam lied, he hadn't been thinking about any of that but he didn't really want to tell Dean the truth, because he didn't know how he would take it.

"Well don't, come on, we've got work to do," Dean said and the harshness of it startled Sam a little, things had been fine a while ago, and though he knew it wouldn't last forever he didn't think that it would resort back to this quite yet. "Sam, you alright?" Sam sighed in relief; Dean sounded more worried than anything else. The younger just smiled and nodded; maybe they could play pretend for just a little longer.

The motel room was just like any of the others they had stayed in, dark and poorly decorated, but they were used to it, it almost felt like home. Sam brushed past Dean as he walked over to the table in the corner of the room, placing the bag with his laptop in down on the table as Dean locked the door. As the computer loaded up he removed his jacket, dumping it next to his duffel bag before returning his attention to the laptop.

"Ok, so what exactly am I looking for?" Sam asked as Dean removed his leather jacket and draped it over the edge of the bed. The elder just rolled his eyes and walked over to the table muttering some sort of remark like _'how old are you again?' _Sam smiled softly and let it slide, returning his attention to the search engine. He felt Dean behind him, felt his arms drape over his shoulders and brush his hands as he typed in various words that for some reason, at that point in time, Sam couldn't understand the meaning of.

"Well, we're looking for information about the Rosenkreuz Asylum right?" Sam nodded, shivering slightly as Dean's breath drifted across his skin, warming the flesh and making it tingle. "So we type in Rosenkreuz Asylum and hit search," Dean explained, growling slightly at how many files were brought up. "Ok then, since I doubt the info we're looking for is going to be on a German website we'll have to limit it down," Dean explained, then typed in the name of the town followed by the Asylum. A handful of links were brought up this time and Dean moved away, patting Sam's shoulder. "There ya go bro, check those out,"

"What are you going to do?" Sam asked,

"Well, I'm hungry and I'm guessing that you are too, I saw a take out place not far from here and was going to swing round and get us something to eat." Dean explained, grabbing his jacket and his car keys. Sam caught sight of a rectangular shaped object in the right hand pocket of the jacket and frowned slightly but thought nothing of it. Returning his gaze to the screen of the laptop.

"Ok, be careful," Sam instructed as Dean left the motel room, the door slamming shut behind him. Sam sighed heavily and let his head fall into his hands. What was going on with them? One minute they were at each others throats, the next they were laughing and joking like usual, and inbetween they were… Sam wasn't sure what they were doing… all he knew was it felt so fucking good to have Dean's hands on him, Dean's breath ghosting over his skin. Sighing and shaking the thoughts away Sam returned his attention to the laptop.

Dean ran his hand through his hair as he slipped into the Impala; closing the door and letting his head fall back against the seat. He loved Sam, but he couldn't keep this charade up any longer, couldn't stay in the same room as him and pretend that everything was ok when it wasn't. With a low growl he turned the keys in the ignition and sped out of the car park, the minute the car came to life the radio came on and the Led Zeppelin tape from earlier picked up where it had left off. As he drove he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel in time to the music, singing along. It was a small town and no one else was on the road with him so he decided to take his frustration out on the road.

He pressed down on the accelerator, going way over the recommended speed limit. It was still raining, heavily now, the water cascading onto the windshield and blurring Dean's view of the road for a second before it was swept away by the windscreen wipers. Still Dean was a good driver, had been driving for as long as he could remember and a little rain had never caused him any problems before. Lightening danced on the horizon, thunder following soon afterwards. He caught sight of something white, on the side of the road, out of the corner of his eye but passed it off as being nothing.

A while later he pulled up at the Chinese Takeaway, he ordered their food and brought it back to the car placing it in the back seat before he himself climbed into the front. He put the keys in the ignition and started the car. He just sat there for a while, staring at the radio as Led Zeppelin filled the otherwise silent car once again. He sighed heavily, pressing the stop button and then pressing the eject button, removing the tape and replacing it with the one in his jacket pocket.

He bit down harshly on his lip as he rewound it to the beginning, for a long time he just continued to sit there in silence, staring at the radio as his finger hovered infront of the play button. He had to know, it was as simple as that, he couldn't take not knowing anymore, it was tearing him apart. With a slight shiver he pressed the play button,

"_Dr James Ellicott, patient, Winchester, Sam,"_ Dean shivered slightly as he pulled out of the parking lot for the take away and back onto the road,

"_Thanks again for seeing me last minute,"_ Sam's voice filled the Impala and Dean bit down on his lip once again asking himself if he really wanted to hear all of this. Realising that he had tuned out Dean pushed his internal musings aside and returned his attention to what was being said on the tape.

"_My father was chief of staff at the old Roosevelt Asylum." _Dean listened to the gentle bantering as Sam tried to persuade the good doctor to tell him what he knew about what had happened at the Roosevelt Asylum back in Rockford Illinois. Of course the Doctor was no idiot and so avoided the subject easily; he listened to James Ellicott asking about what Sam had been doing. Listened to Sam talk of a road trip with his brother, and bit down on his lip until he could taste the blood leaking back into his mouth.

_"Sam let's cut the bull shall we, you're avoiding the subject,"_

"_What subject?"_

"_You, now, I'll make you a deal, I'll tell you all about the Roosevelt riot if you tell me something honest about yourself. Like, uh, this brother you're road-tripping with. How do you feel about him?" _And there it was, the one hundred million-dollar question that had kept Dean up at night for the last few days. He had never gone any further with the tape than there, stopping it either because he had been interrupted or because he had decided that he hadn't wanted to know. This time however his hands stayed firmly glued to the steering wheel, his eyes stayed on the road, his heart raced in his chest, and the tape continued to play.

There was a long silence and Dean's eyes flashed from the road to the stop button several times. Before he could decide whether or not he was going to stop the tape Sam's voice filtered into the Impala once again. A few, um's and well's, before he sighed and chuckled slightly.

"_Honestly?" _He assumed the good doctor had nodded, _"Dean's… well… Dean's Dean, he's hard to be around sometimes, a little irritating, he's overly confident and jokes about every little thing. He doesn't like to have serious conversations, hates to talk about his emotions or emotions of any kind, he's egotistical, kind of a slut." _Dean pressed down on the accelerator, what was he meant to say to that, he had a few ideas but Sam would never understand why he did the things he did. Tears stung his eyes but he refused to let them fall, Dean Winchester wouldn't be weak.

"_Maybe he's insecure," _Dean smiled softly; at least someone had his back not the person he would have hoped but someone never the less. Sam laughed and Dean wanted to punch him in the face.

"_Dean Winchester insecure? You've got to be kidding me; Dean is the complete and utter opposite of insecure, he's… he's always so in control, he's never wrong in his opinion, he thinks because he's the eldest that means that he is right all the time and no one can argue with him. He does whatever our father tells him to no matter what and if I don't agree with it well too bad, he orders me to do it anyway. He's always been like that, Dad's obedient little hunting dog… he'll do whatever he tells him to with a 'yes sir' just because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with his life... because he doesn't want to be normal… because normal scares him." _Dean tried to stay focused on the road, though, through the rain on the windscreen and the wall of tears building in his eyes it was becoming increasingly hard.

The radio fizzled slightly the words on the tape disappearing under static and white noise, lightening struck somewhere in the distance and Dean tapped the radio. It came back only to fade out again, static blaring loudly in the Impala. Dean hit the stop button and removed the tape, glancing it over quickly. From what he could tell it wasn't a fault with the tape. Dropping the tape into the side of the door he replaced it with Metallica only to have the same problem with that tape aswell, instead of _'Enter Sandman' _playing Dean had static. He frowned glancing back up at the road.

He had never had a problem with the radio in a storm before, a white blur was caught by the corner of his eye again but when he turned to look the side of the road was empty. He shivered involuntarily and glanced at the road, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. His mind immediately started thinking about the tape, about what Sam had said about him. It all left a bitter taste in his mouth, he wanted to explain to Sam but in a way he wanted to beat the hell out of him for not understanding in the first place.

"Play nice now…" Dean jumped as the woman's voice filled the silence inside the Impala, he glanced in his rear view mirror to see a woman dressed in white sat in the centre of the back seat. She was smiling softly, dark hair pinned back in a perfectly neat bun, her eyes were light blue, almost transparent in appearance. She didn't look that old, late thirties, early forties. One thing he knew for sure was that she was definitely dead. Dean's eyes narrowed on the apparition reflected in the mirror. This was not the time, nor the place.

"Get the fuck out of my car and go back to hell," Dean snapped, the woman just raised a finger, waving it from side to side and tutting disapprovingly. Sickeningly sweet smile never faltering.

"Now, now, for such a pretty young boy you have a nasty mouth on you, if I were your mother I would wash that out with soap." She explained, Dean's eyes narrowed even further, he was not in the mood. The spirit flickered slightly, disappearing and then reappearing, Dean hazarded a glance at the road, it was still empty, just him, the ghost woman and the rain. He returned his gaze to the mirror to see that the spirit was no longer there, he turned around staring at the back seat to convince himself that he was now alone. As he turned around the woman appeared in the passenger's seat, grabbing hold of his face and staring into his eyes. He tried to break away but her grip just intensified. "Hm, you've been a very naughty boy Dean Winchester, I won't stand for that," she explained,

"Get off me," he demanded, voice low

"Don't worry, Sammy will be punished too, you've both been very bad boys," she told him patronisingly, running her hand through his hair,

"Stay away from my brother, if you touch him I swear I'll make you wish you'd stayed dead," Dean snarled protectively, she chuckled, leaning in and kissing his lips lightly before pulling away and smiling that stupid fucking smile.

"Hm, hm, that's so sweet, you still want to protect him even after everything he said about you, that's not even the end of the tape Dean, there's so much more… " She whispered, he swallowed, pinning all emotions back. Again he saw something white out of the corner of his eye, the woman followed his gaze and the smile dropped replaced with a frown. "Stupid little bitch," she snarled. Dean jumped when he noticed the little girl stood in the middle of the road, he swerved, missing the girl by an inch at the most. The Impala hit into the railing around the road and Dean's head slammed against the wheel, hard. He felt himself start to black out but pulled himself back from the darkening haze.

He gasped, placing his hand on his forehead hissing as he touched the deep gash that sat there he pulled his hand away to see that it was covered in blood. Growling softly he glanced around the car to see that the woman was gone just a message written on the clouded glass of the passenger window the read _'Play nice.' _He then looked back at the road to see that there was no one there, no sign of the little girl that had been stood in the road only moments before. He sighed collapsing against the steering wheel.

_XxxxxX_

Sam paced the ground infront of the window in the motel room, the rain was practically torrential and Dean had been gone for too long. He tried to call Dean once again but as with all the other times it went straight to voicemail. In other words his phone was off, with a low growl he threw his cellphone down on his bed, resuming his pacing. At this point saying that Sam was worried was an understatement, he was terrified, he shivered slightly as the lightening struck somewhere in the distance. Sam had never liked thunderstorms; he liked Dean being out in one even less.

He remembered the feel of Dean's hands against his, Dean's breath on his skin, he closed his eyes momentarily, relishing in the memory, a flash of light shined in through the window and the sound of a car driving past could be heard from inside the room. Sam's eyes immediately snapped open; he pulled back the curtain to see the Impala pull up outside. He sighed in relief, running a hand through his hair. His heartbeat beginning to return to normal.

With a deep intake of breath he sat down on the edge of the bed, placing his head in his hands. He didn't look up when he heard the key slide into the lock, didn't look up when the door opened, when Dean stepped into the room and dropped their food onto the table next to the laptop, just sat there quietly. He saw Dean's jacket fall to the floor next to his bed, heard him hiss and then curse softly under his breath. It was then that Sam snapped out of his stupor and glanced up to see Dean sat on the edge of his bed, holding his shoulder. Sam was up and crouched infront of his older brother in the blink of an eye.

"Dean… what happened? Why were you gone so long?" Sam asked noticing the nasty looking gash on his brother's forehead. "Dean, why are you bleeding? What happened?" Sam asked again, walking over to his bag and grabbing the first aid kit. Sighing he sat beside Dean on the bed, looking at the cut, gently he touched the skin around the wound causing Dean to hiss once again, he expected a glare, but Dean never even turned to look at him. "Dean, tell me what the fuck happened." Sam demanded as he doused a cotton pad with antiseptic and gently dabbed the cut.

"I was driving back from the take out place when this dead uptight bitch appeared in my fucking back seat, that kinda distracted me. Then this little girl appeared in the middle of the fucking road so I swerved to avoid her and crashed into the railing around the side of the road. Then when I looked around for them the two of them had just disappeared." Dean explained, rubbing his shoulder once again.

"Did they say anything?" Sam asked, as he continued to clean the gash on his brother's forehead.

"Uh yeah, the woman told me to play nice and that I was a bad boy," Dean said still refusing to look anywhere but the spot on the carpet that had held his attention for the last five minutes.

"Strange, well that cut should heal nicely, I don't think I'll need to bandage it, it's stopped bleeding anyway, does it still hurt?" Sam went to touch the flesh around the wound once again but before his hand could meet Dean's forehead his older brother knocked his hand away. Glancing over at him, with a look of pain and betrayal.

"What do you care?" Sam blinked several times, unsure of what to say, of course he cared. "After all I'm just an egotistical slut, Dad's little hunting dog." Dean growled standing from the bed, Sam's eyes widened and he shook his head, did Dean know what he had said? No, he couldn't, there was no way, doctor patient confidentiality. "You look a little confused there Sammy," Dean noted, smirking, he leant down and grabbed hold of Sam's face and forcing him to stare him in the eyes.

"Dean… what are you talking about?" Sam asked softly,

"Let me tell you something Sam, sometimes therapists tape their sessions, sometimes they tell their patients this openly, other times they don't. The tapes are never supposed to be heard by anyone other than the therapists you see so it doesn't matter if they don't say anything, because the tapes are only ever used to review the patient speaking on them." Sam stared into Dean's eyes only because he had no other alternative, if it had been up to him he would be staring down at the floor. "Now, back in Illinois you spent a hell of a lot of time up in the therapists office. I was a little curious why, especially because you had acted to funny when I'd asked you what had taken so long."

"Dean… what did you do?" Sam queried, eyes wide, Dean just shrugged, then grimaced at the pain that shot through his shoulder as he did so.

"I went to see Dr James Ellicott, and when I told him who I was he gave me this really funny look. He led me to his office, told me that he'd be back in a minute he just had to go get another cassette tape from the storeroom. That's kind of when it hit me, if he was going to tape my session then he must have taped yours. Long story short when he came back I was gone and he was down one tape." He let go of Sam's face and turned away, Sam sighed and stared at Dean's back, running a hand through his hair.

"So, you listened to it," it wasn't a question, more a statement because Sam knew from the way that Dean was currently acting that he had.

"I had no idea you thought so little of me Sam, that you hated me so much. I tried to make you understand, always did my fucking best for you but you just… maybe I am a slut Sammy… maybe I am Dad's obedient little hunting dog, maybe I am, but that is what **_I_** had to be to make sure that you didn't." Dean explained softly, staring at the door that led to the bathroom and away from Sam.

"Dean?" Sam asked softly, walking over to where his older brother was stood and placing his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine Sam," Dean growled, flinching away from the touch as if it burned,

"What about your shoulder?"

"I'll take care of it," Dean growled and walked into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. Sam just stared at the door with tears burning the backs of his eyes. He had hurt Dean and this time he really didn't have a clue how to make it up to him.

_**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN** _

_And that is the end of chapter two, next chapter picks up from where this one left off, and maybe we'll finally get to the good stuff but we'll have to wait and see n.n_

_Oh yeah and Sammy was harsh on the tape, some may say a little too harsh… we'll just have to wait and see what's going on with that aswell won't we?_

_Feel free to leave a review as you go n.n and thanks to all those people who reviewed to the last chapter, you each get a cookie n.n _

_XXX_


	3. Suffocating Silence

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**Thanks to all reviewers, you guys made my day, glad you liked n.n**

A/N- sorry this took so long for me to get up, computer troubles n.n

**_SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN_**

_**Suffocating Silence…**_

Dean sighed as he fell against the wood of the bathroom door, tears burning the backs of his eyes just begging to be shed. He bit his lip and forced them away, Dean Winchester wouldn't be weak, couldn't be. He took a deep breath and walked over to the sink, staring at his reflection for the briefest of moments before his hand moved to the red shirt he was wearing over the grey T-shirt. He removed it slowly, trying not to move his shoulder too much, when the shirt was discarded on the floor he turned his attention to the grey T-shirt, that one soon following the red button down shirt lying on the floor.

He stared at what was quickly becoming an angry looking dark purple bruise covering his entire shoulder. He touched it gingerly, hissing at the pain caused by the sudden pressure. It was just a bruise, it would heal by itself in a few days, he'd known that straight away but it had been a great way to slip away from Sam. To hide from him, which is what he needed to do right now. His head pounded and he pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to dull the pain. It didn't work it never worked,

"_He doesn't like to have serious conversations, hates to talk about his emotions or emotions of any kind, he's egotistical, kind of a slut." _The words echoed inside his skull, Sam's voice telling some stranger how much of a screw up his older brother was. How much he hated him. How little he thought of him. Dean swayed slightly and braced his hands against the sink basin, steadying himself. _"He's kind of a slut," _He shivered and glanced up, staring at his reflection, the deep purple bruise the first thing that caught his gaze. Then he locked eyes with his reflection. Hazel eyes narrowed,

"It's understandable though, isn't it?" Dean questioned himself, eyes dark, "you are a slut, a hunting dog, everything Sammy said is true it just hurts so goddamned much because it was Sam who said it. And he said it with such contempt." There was a gentle knock on the door, closely followed by a hesitant voice.

"Dean… are you ok?" Sam asked through the wood, but Dean didn't respond, he wasn't ok he knew it and Sam knew it too. He was far from being ok, had been for a long time, he was breaking and he didn't think he could stop it anymore.

"Slut," had he said that or had it been the reflection, the reflection of his fucked up soul, _"slut," _Sam's voice whispered inside his head, and that one stung more. It repeated inside his head over and over again, the reflections eyes narrowed, its head turned to the left and a smirk appeared on its lips. It wasn't Dean anymore, it was something else, but Dean was too out of it to notice. "You're a slut Dean Winchester and you're not worth anything to anyone, you're a weak pathetic little brat who whores himself away because he can't do anything else." The reflection explained, flickering slightly, _"slut" _he pressed his hands against his ears trying to block everything out. It wouldn't work against the voices inside his head though.

"Dean!" The knocking had become more frantic but Dean couldn't hear that anymore, couldn't hear Sam screaming his name, could only hear the Sam inside his head.

"Come on Dean, don't tell me you haven't noticed, you're a slut, just ask Sammy," he snapped, simple as that. He couldn't listen to it anymore, with a low growl he struck out, hitting the mirror and watching as it shattered into a thousand pieces due to the force. He sighed and ran his hands over his face as the last few remaining shards of glass rained down onto the floor.

"Dean! Dean open the fucking door NOW!" Sam ordered, Dean sighed, turning on the tap and running his now blood-covered hand under the cold water. "Dean come on, I'm serious, open the door, Dean…" Sam begged and something in his voice made Dean turn around and walk towards the door, unlocking the door and stepping out into the bedroom. Standing right infront of Sam and smiling softly.

"Calm down Sammy," he muttered, trying to keep his hand hidden from his younger brother, Sam wasn't stupid though and caught sight of the blood. He moved quickly seizing Dean's hand in his and staring into his eyes.

"What the fuck did you do?" Sam growled,

"Took out some frustration, let it go Sammy,"

"It's Sam and no, what the fuck is wrong with you? Since when do you care what I think of you Dean?" Dean growled slightly and stepped closer to Sam, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"I've always cared about what you thought of me Sam, I never cared what anyone else thought or said but **_you _**I expected, I **_needed you _**to understand." Dean explained through clenched teeth, his eyes locking with those of his baby brother's. Sam's forehead creased in confusion slightly,

"Dean, I… what I said, I was mad at you for always ordering me around, I didn't mean it, Dean… I… I'm sorry…" Sam explained, voice soft, and the look in Dean's eyes told him that his apology hadn't been enough. There was a long silence before Sam glanced back down at Dean's hand, "does it hurt,"

"More than you know," And Sam knew that he wasn't talking about his hand but the proverbial knife now lodged inbetween his shoulder blades.

"Come on, I'll take care of that for you," Sam explained gesturing towards the cuts on Dean's hand. Dean just allowed Sam to lead him to the bed where he sat down on the edge, it didn't take long for Sam to clean and bandage the wounds and he did so in silence, because what could he say? He finished wrapping Dean's hand and stood from the bed staring down at his brother. "How's your shoulder?"

"Just a little bruised it'll be fine," Dean sighed glancing up to meet his younger brothers gaze, "did you find anything out about the Asylum?" Dean asked, changing the subject for the sake of both of their sanity's. Sam sighed and sat down next to Dean on the edge of the bed the gap between them, minimal though it was, seemed massive.

"Uh… not a lot. I couldn't find anything about what had happened there originally but I did find this blog that one of the kids in the town put up a while ago. It said about how several kids had ended up dead a few weeks ago and that there was no explanation for their deaths. The kid thought that something paranormal might have happened there." Sam explained running a hand through his hair as he leant back on his elbows, staring up at the ceiling.

"Smart kid know who is he, might be a good idea to talk to him, find out what he knows," Dean suggested softly.

"Uh… from what I gathered he's the son of the local sheriff," Sam said with a yawn, Dean chuckled slightly, running his hand over his face.

"Kid could have a lot of important information at his fingertips, we definitely have to go pay him a visit." Dean noted, after all being the son of the sheriff meant that he could have access to thousands of files, even those dating back to the time when Rosenkreuz was up and swinging. Of course if the kid were playing the role of the obedient son then it would be extremely hard to convince him to betray his fathers trust and get them the files they needed.

"That's what I thought, we can swing round tomorrow, apparently schools out and being Sheriff his dad will probably be at the station all day meaning that we can talk to the kid without his father standing over him. I figure that he'll be more willing to talk with us that way." Sam explained, lying down on the bed and staring at Dean's back.

"Yeah, after that we'll check out the Asylum, I want to get a look at the place during daylight hours first." Dean voiced, "hopefully they'll fix that fucking mirror before we get back," Dean half joked as he continued to stare at the patch of carpet that had captivated him for the past few minutes. Sam reached out, going to place his hand on Dean's bare back, he stopped halfway there, his hand pausing mid-air, never actually coming into contact with his older brother's skin.

"They'll clean it up at least, you'll have to pay for it you know," Dean shrugged

"Whatever, it's not my name on the credit card anyway," and Sam couldn't help but smile because that was such a Dean thing to say. "Well it's late, or early, I don't know about you but I want to get some sleep," Dean announced, standing from the edge of the bed and stripping down to his boxers. Sam didn't want to have to get up and go back to his own bed, but he was fairly certain that that's what Dean was hinting that he do. He had liked the other night, sleeping in the same bed as his older brother. Feeling Dean's body against his own, it had just felt so right and for the first time in God knows how long Sam had actually had a good nights sleep.

Dean turned to face Sam looking down at his baby brother who was staring up at the ceiling with a faraway look in his eyes. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, he wished that things weren't so fucked up between them, really wished it, but they were and he had no idea what to do about it or how to make things right between them again. All he knew was that they couldn't go on pretending that everything was ok when it so clearly wasn't.

"Do you want me to take the other bed?" Dean asked quietly causing Sam to snap out of his internal musings, and the hurt in Sam's eyes at that moment made Dean feel like such a bastard. Sam had always had that ability, to make Dean feel guilty over the smallest of things.

"No," he had said it with such sadness and then he had not said anything else. Dean just stared down at him wanting so desperately to say _'I can't do this Sammy.'_ But the words never made it past his lips because he knew that Sam always slept better when they slept in the same bed and no matter how much Sam had hurt him; Dean would always give his baby brother whatever he wanted. Dean would always put Sam before himself no matter how much it hurt him, because he loved him. It was as simple as that.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Dean sighed sliding underneath the covers as Sam stood up to get undressed, a few seconds later Sam slid in beside his brother. Staring at Dean's back once again, he shifted as close to his older brother as possible without actually touching him. Dean was allowing him to share his bed but Sam knew that the physical aspect would be too much for him deal with right now. So, as much as he wanted to hold Dean, as much as he wanted to comfort him, to comfort himself, he repressed the urge to reach out and wrap his arms round his older brother, to hold him close.

"Thank you Dean," Sam whispered, watching as Dean's shoulder's moved, indicating that he had just shrugged.

"Stop being such a girl and go to sleep Sammy," Dean ordered, then cringed, Sam didn't like it when he ordered him to do things did he? He sighed, shaking the thought away before glancing over at the empty bed, "and if you're going to be sleeping in my bed all the time then stop making me pay for two fucking beds." Dean half joked, trying to lighten the mood despite himself and how he was currently feeling. Sam just smiled softly, allowing his eyes to fall closed and for sleep to consume him.

_XxxxxX_

Sam woke up the next morning to see Dean sat at the edge of the bed, cradling his head in his hands. He slowly sat up, leaning against the bed's headboard, unsure of what to say to Dean. All he really wanted to do was to hold him but Dean wouldn't allow that, least of all now. So for what felt like an eternity he just resigned himself to sitting there and staring at his older brother's back. Eventually he broke the silence, though hesitantly,

"Dean… is… is everything ok?" He asked then frowned at the way that had sounded, not only had he sounded pathetic but he had asked a stupid question. Of course Dean wasn't ok, he knew what Sam had said about him to Dr Ellicott and no matter how much Sam wished he could take those words back, he knew that he would never be able to. He knew that Dean would never forget them, that Dean would never forget that Sam had shot him in that Asylum, shot him with rock salt but shot to kill. He had pulled the trigger on his brother twice, once being fully aware that the bullet would kill his brother. He was grateful that Dean had given him an unloaded pistol and not trusted him to not shoot him, because if he had then he would be dead now. "Dean?"

"I'm fine Sam, just thinking," Dean explained, voice harsh, he didn't want things to be the way they were between him and Sam, so distant, so clinical, but he didn't know how to get things back to the way they had once been. He didn't know how to stop Sam's voice from echoing in his head, screaming out every little fault that Dean possessed, didn't know how to stop seeing Sam stood over him, gun pointed at his heart, ready to kill, **_wanting _**to kill. His hand shook and he clenched it into a fist, noting the sensation of his nails biting into the soft flesh coating his palm. Sam screamed inside his head and he winced, why wouldn't it just stop? What would it take to make it stop?

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" Sam asked, standing from the bed and beginning to change, Dean didn't respond, just gave a shrug, Sam couldn't recall a time when Dean had been so silent, when Dean hadn't had an answer or a witty comeback for everything. "I saw a diner not so far from here, afterwards we can swing round to that kid's," Sam explained, buttoning up his shirt and grabbing his jacket from the chair over in the corner.

"Yeah, whatever, where does the kid even live?" Dean asked, running a hand through his hair as he stood from the bed and began to change himself. Sam just stared over at Dean, noting the angry looking purple bruise on his shoulder; the gash on his forehead had begun to heal nicely though. The skin around the wound had lost the reddish tint that it had held last night and the bandages on Dean's hand were only lightly spotted with blood. All in all he looked like he had been in a fight somewhere, and perhaps he had, a fight with himself and the inner turmoil he was trying so desperately to hide.

"Um… in the woods actually, just on the edge of the town,"

"Near the Asylum?"

"Uh, no, quite some distance from it actually," Sam explained as he watched Dean slide on a blue shirt over the black T-shirt and sit on the edge of the motel bed, unwrapping the bandages and staring at the wound. He had several gashes running across his knuckles, and the skin that lay around the wound there still looked sore. He slowly began to flex his hand, curling it into a fist and then uncurling it.

"Ok then, let's go," Dean explained, grabbing his leather jacket and slipping it on before heading towards the door. Sam caught up with his brother before he had the chance to leave the room, placing his hand on his shoulder gently. Dean glanced back at him, eyes slightly narrowed though he forced them to soften. He didn't want to hurt Sam.

"Do you want me to re-bandage your hand before we go?" Dean just sighed and shook his head, glancing down at the cuts scattered across his fist.

"No, it's stopped bleeding, it'll be fine, come on, I want to go see the Asylum some time this morning." Dean explained as he slipped out of the door and headed towards the Impala, considering he's crashed it yesterday it didn't look too bad. Only a scratch running along the side and a slight dent in the bumper, both his car and he himself could have come off a lot worse at the speed he was going. With a slight sigh he unlocked the doors and slid into the driver's seat. As Sam slid in beside him he placed the keys in the ignition, turning them until the car roared to life. He placed the car into drive and sped out of the parking lot.

They didn't speak much driving to the diner or when they were actually eating and it wasn't a comfortable silence either. It was the kind of silence that began to eat away at you with each minute that you spent in it, nipping at your soul and telling you that you should say something to fill the void, as you just sit there and ponder what exactly you could say. Sam had several things that he could say, but he didn't think that it was the right time to say them. Dean just didn't want to speak, everything he said to Sam at the moment seemed to sound choked or forced and he for one would rather sit in the suffocating silence than try to express how he was feeling at that precise moment in time.

They paid and left the diner, Sam biting his lip as they walked to the car, still in that insatiable silence. He had never wished for Dean to start picking on him for being too feminine more in his life. Right now he probably would have kissed Dean for calling him a bitch, for quipping about his 'psychic tendencies.' Dean didn't speak though and as Sam slid into the car the Metallica tape began playing to cover the almost deafening silence that seemed to hang over them wherever they went recently.

He wanted to grab Dean by the collar and scream for him to just get over this whole situation to try to make him understand that he hadn't really meant what he said. Sure Dean pissed him off sometimes but they were brothers it was to be expected. He was angry at Dean sometimes but he loved him constantly. Surely Dean knew that. He just sat there, staring silently at his brother and contemplating this thought and Dean drove away from the diner. He turned to look at Sam, their gazes locking for the briefest of minutes before Dean pulled away to look at the road ahead.

"So, what's the kids name?" Dean asked, breaking the silence at long last, Sam's sigh of relief however was drowned out by the Metallica tape.

"Uh… Alex, Alex Macabre,"

"Nice name," Dean said softly, turning away from the main road and onto a smaller one that led off into the forest. "Sheriff Macabre has a sort of ring to it don't you think?" Sam nodded; chuckling softly as the trees shielded the minimal light from them, leaving them in darkness. The day was unpleasant again, cloudy and drizzling with rain, still, both brothers couldn't help but prefer this sort of weather to bright blue skies and scorching heat, it just seemed to suit them.

"Why do you think they're covering all of this up Dean?" Sam asked, afraid to lose the conversation and be plunged into silence once again. Dean shrugged, hands tightening around the wheel as he turned onto another road.

"Maybe because they're afraid of what people will think if they know, maybe because they don't know how to explain what's going on up there and don't want to scare the locals. Or maybe they do know what's going on up there and simply don't want to admit to it." Dean explained softly, almost philosophically, and he'd looked so distant as he'd said it, as if lost in his own little world. He'd looked untouchable in that instant, cold, almost dead… Sam shivered at that thought… he hadn't held a gun since… since he'd tried to put a real bullet in his brother's heart with one back at the Asylum. He didn't ever want to be in that situation again, he didn't ever want to think, _'what if…' _again but he couldn't help it.

"Dean…" he began, almost begging for his brother's attention Dean gave it to him with a quick turn of his head, staring at Sam, the distance seemed to dissipate leaving a very much alive Dean sat beside him. "We have to talk after this, we have to find a way to get over it," Sam practically whispered, Dean nodded softly turning his attention back to the road.

"I know Sammy, but it's going to take some time," Dean explained, noting the house ahead of them, "looks like we're here." He stated, pulling up on the drive and removing the keys, turning the car off. They just sat there in silence for a while staring up at the house. Before Dean opened the door and stepped out onto the driveway, "come on," he ordered softly as he slammed the door shut behind him and began to make his way towards the house. Sam followed suit, stepping out of the car and running to catch up with his older brother.

With a sigh and using his uninjured hand Dean knocked on the wooden door several times, a while layer the door was opened to reveal a teenage boy, roughly seventeen or eighteen, stood in the doorway. He glanced at the two men stood before him as they smiled down at him and crossed his arms across his chest, perfectly shaped eyebrow raising in a silent question that somehow both Dean and Sam managed to understand.

"Hey, Alex isn't it? We're old friends of your fathers and were just in the neighbourhood, thought we'd drop by, is he in?" Sam asked, Alex narrowed his eyes slightly as a soft smile tugged at his lips.

"Friends of my fathers?" He asked, Dean nodded softly, smiling back at the boy with that boyish smile of his.

"Yeah, is he in?" Dean inquired once again; the teen just smirked and shook his head, leaning against the doorframe.

"No, he went out to work a few hours ago," Alex explained, falling silent,

"Really, damn, it would have been nice to catch up with him," before Dean could hint at the boy letting them come in, Alex pushed himself away from the doorframe, standing aside and smiling softly as he motioned inside the house.

"Please come in, I don't know how long he'll be but I'm here on my own and bored out of my fucking wits you two look like fun, why don't you stay for a while." Dean looked over at Sam with a look that clearly said, _'well that makes our job a hell of a lot easier' _before he nodded and stepped inside brushing against Alex on the way who merely smirked and looked him up and down, nodding almost appreciably. Sam stepped in next, watching the boy out of the corner of his eye as he continued to watch Dean walk away. Sam bit his lip and narrowed his eyes as he followed Dean into the lounge, hearing the soft click of the door being shut and locked as he went.

"He doesn't believe a word we said does he?" Sam whispered, standing just infront of Dean, Dean just chuckled and shrugged.

"I don't think so but the kid let us in, we may aswell see what we can find out, something's telling me he's not chasing after the award for _'best son,'_" Dean explained as he sat down on the couch Sam sitting beside him. Alex entered the room a second later, sitting in the armchair opposite of the two.

"Sorry I didn't catch your names," Alex stated softly, leaning back in the chair, Dean smirked, glancing the boy over he was thin with a slight muscular build, an attractive slightly effeminate figure. He was about an inch or two shorter than Dean with long black hair that fell just past his shoulders and fell messily into his deep blue eyes. He was dressed casually in a tight black T-shirt and faded, ripped, denim jeans. An interesting clown pendant hanging from his neck. Silver with a smiling clown face stuck on a sort of thin pointed cross that hang from a silver chain to rest on his chest.

"That's because we didn't give them," Dean gibed softly, smirking at the teen who merely smirked back. "I'm Dean, this is Sam," Dean said, Alex smiled and nodded, as if in some way approving their names. He then frowned and leant forward,

"It's strange though my father's never mentioned you before, and I think you're a bit young to be friends with my fuck head of a father," Alex explained licking his lips, Dean smirked and shrugged placing his feet on the coffee table before them and leaning back into the couch.

"Well actually he's one of our fathers friends, we used to see him from time to time when we were kids, just thought that we could come and say hi, was all," Dean said matter of factly, Alex nodded, either pretending to, or actually buying into, the story. "So where's your mother?" Dean asked,

"My parents got divorced two years ago, she lives in California with her new husband and her new kids, she didn't want to take the old crap with her so I had to stay in this shit hole with father dearest." Alex explained placidly, as if he didn't care about it at all, Dean locked gazes with him and his smile fell. What a wonderful mask this boy had created for himself and how alike they were.

"Sorry," Dean almost whispered, Alex shook his head, smiling softly,

"Don't worry about it, that's life for you, you love someone with everything you've got never knowing that one day they'll turn around and shoot you in the heart." Sam froze at what the black-haired teen had just said and hazarded a look over at Dean who just sat there nodding.

"How philosophical of you," Dean said, Alex just shrugged and smiled,

"Neh, I'm a philosophy student or was, I dropped out, couldn't be fucked, I was always far more interested in music and stuff anyway. School was just an annoyance to me." Alex explained, Dean smirked and nodded,

"A boy after my own heart, what kind of music you into?" Sam rolled his eyes, they were not going to find anything out this way.

"Mainly rock, I love the classics, Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, Alice in Chains, Metallica,"

"God you have great taste, hear that Sam, someone with appreciation for the legends," Dean nudged Sam as he smiled over at Alex as if the boy had just told him the secret to the universe. Sam wasn't entirely sure why but he suddenly had the urge to punch Alex's face in.

"Can I ask you two something?" Alex asked, Sam and Dean just nodded, Alex smirked once again, "you are obviously not here to talk to my father so please, tell me, why are you two really here?" Dean glanced over at Sam and nodded, Sam sighed, leaning forward on the couch.

"Have you ever heard of a place called Rosenkreuz Asylum?" Alex stared at them for a while, silently, before he chuckled and shook his head.

"Nope, never heard of a Rosenkreuz Asylum," both Dean and Sam frowned slightly causing Alex to chuckle once again. "However I have heard of Rosenkreuz Orphanage, on the very edge of the town, is that what you two are talking about?" Sam and Dean glanced at each other in confusion before turning back to look at Alex?

"Orphanage?"

"Yeah, Rosenkreuz used to be an Orphanage, most people just refer to it as Rosenkreuz though, I guess over time people believed it to be an Asylum, as no one in this god forsaken place will talk about it no one ever set them straight. Interesting how things like that happen isn't it?"

"Yeah," Dean and Sam chorused, "I don't suppose you know what happened there?" Sam asked, Alex looked at him with a soft smile.

"Bits and pieces, I don't know the original story but I know that a lot of kids ended up dead there and that kids from the town have been showing up there dead. No explanation for how they got there or what happened to them." Alex explained matter of factly,

"How come no one's talking about this?" Dean asked, Alex shrugged,

"I don't know, my dad and his minions are trying their best to keep it a secret, the town elders don't want to go public with it. I'm guessing that they think it'll reflect badly on the town. Especially because they don't know how to explain any of it,"

"What about the children's parents?" Sam asked,

"No one really knows, they just seem to vanish, no ones ever sees them again, everyone who knew them is too afraid to talk about it. Eventually it just became this horrible secret carried around by half of the town; most of the people my age don't know a thing about it. I only know as much as I do from going through the files in my dad's office." Alex explained,

"Why are you telling us all of this?" Sam wondered aloud, Alex smiled,

"Because I don't care if people know, these things happen, I had nothing to do with them, why should I keep it a secret? I'm not taken the burdens of this town to my grave, I don't care enough to." Alex explained, "now that I've answered that, you two answer me this, what are you really doing here, and don't say that you were just passing through, I may have dropped out of school but I am not an idiot." Alex snarled, voice low, eyes narrowed,

"We're trying to find out what is happening at Rosenkreuz and put a stop to it, stuff like this, it's kind of our job." Dean said with a slight yawn, God he was tired, one of these nights he was going to take a bottle of sleeping pills and get a good nights rest.

"So you're what, like paranormal investigators or something?" Alex asked suspiciously, Dean chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah that's it, but we don't call ourselves that, sounds way too fucking geeky," Dean explained, "we're more, hunters, and our prey is the stuff that goes bump in the night,"

"Cool, so does this mean that all that supernatural stuff really exists, ghosts, demons, the bogeyman?" Alex asked looking intrigued and with an almost sadistic smile on his face.

"I hate to say but yeah, it does," Dean said, Alex nodded,

"Hold on, if you're investigating Rosenkreuz why the fuck are you talking to me, shouldn't you be checking the place out or something?" Alex asked, flicking a few strands of hair out of his eyes.

"We will, at the moment we're doing background checks, trying to find out what happened so that we're not walking in blind. Unfortunately we're not getting anywhere, no one who wants to talk knows anything and the people who don't want to talk definitely know something they're not willing to share." Dean explained, "that's where we were hoping you could help, you said earlier that you had access to your father's office and his files. We need those files Alex." Dean explained,

"So what, you want me to break into my father's office, steal the files and give them to you so that you can go and blast the evil spirits or whatever's in there to hell?" Alex asked

"In a nutshell, you willing?" Alex rose from his seat walking over to the couch and sitting down on the table infront of the Winchester brothers.

"I'm willing and able, of course you'll have to do something for me," Alex said with a smirk, Dean raised an eyebrow staring at the teen inquisitively.

"And what would that be?" Sam asked, Alex smiled and shrugged,

"I want Dean to kiss me," Sam blinked several times and Dean coughed nervously, normally he would have no hesitations about a deal like that. After all Alex was an amazingly attractive boy, but Sam thought that Dean was a slut for this exact reason. This would just be whoring himself away again, and what would Sammy think of him then? "Well?" Alex prompted, gently tapping at the wood of the table. Dean glanced over at Sam who was merely staring at Alex as if he had just grown another head.

"Why?" Dean asked trying to stall as the thoughts thumped within his head,

"Because I think you're incredibly good looking," Alex answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, God; did this kid never get embarrassed? "Come on, a kiss for the files, I'm not asking for the world," Alex explained, twirling a strand of hair around his finger, Alex casually glanced out of the window and smirked. "Make your mind up soon because this offer will become void in roughly three minutes," the teen explained, folding his arms across his chest. Dean glanced over at Sam once again to see that he was still staring at Alex, rolling his eyes he chased all of the annoying thoughts away and rose to his feet.

"Fine, after all it's only a kiss right," Alex smirked and also rose to his feet, yet he did not moved, stayed stood infront of the coffee table, with a smirk Dean moved towards him, leaning in and whispering slightly. "I know what you're doing," Dean whispered into Alex's ear, he chuckled and threw his head back, chuckling softly,

"Good, then hurry up," Alex whispered back, Dean just smirked and rolled his eyes, he could feel Sam's eyes on them, on _him _burning into him with such a force it was unsettling. What did Sam expect? Sometimes he didn't have a choice, sometimes, a kiss, or his body, was simply a bargaining chip and why couldn't he use that to his advantage, why did that make him a slut? Surely Sam could understand that it didn't. With a slight growl Dean grabbed hold of Alex, slamming his lips against those of the raven-haired males. Alex responded eagerly his hands cupping Dean's face, running through his hair.

They both smirked before resuming the kiss once again, their tongue's battling for dominance, to say that Sam was livid as he sat there watching the scene unfold was an understatement. Sam had never been so fucking angry, never been so jealous, and he was more than acceptant of the fact that he wasn't jealous of Dean. Sam didn't want to kiss Alex, he wanted Dean. He was so deep in his rage that he didn't notice when the door opened, or when the man walked into the room saying something about being home for lunch. He didn't notice anything until they stopped and Dean looked down at him with a smirk.

Before Sam could do or say anything the man he presumed to be Sheriff Macabre had grabbed hold of Dean's collar and was snarling down at him. Sam was stood in seconds, grabbing hold of the older man's wrists and trying to force him off of his brother before either he did Dean, or Dean did him, any harm.

"What the fuck is going on here, who are you two, what are you doing in my house and why were _you _kissing my son?" The Sheriff growled lowly as Sam finally managed to remove the elder's hands from his brother's collar. Pushing Dean back and protecting him from any further assault.

"Because I wanted him to," Alex snarled, eyes narrowing dangerously, "and even though it is none of your business _father_ they are my friends, come on guys, I'll show you out," Alex said, smiling satisfactorily as he led Sam and Dean towards the door. Alex walked them both out to the Impala, passing Dean his phone number when they reached it. "Call me tomorrow, I should have the files by then," Alex explained, Dean nodded and slipped the number into his jacket pocket.

"Right, thanks for doing this for us," Dean said, Alex just smiled and shrugged,

"It's ok, thanks for that back there, I was wondering how I could break it to him that I was gay, that was the perfect way, he'll be seething for weeks." Alex said, laughing softly,

"Will you be ok with him?" Dean asked, Alex nodded and smiled,

"Don't worry about it, he can't touch me, I'll see you guys tomorrow ok," Alex said as he walked away disappearing into the house. Dean sighed and slipped into the car, Sam sliding in beside him.

"What the hell was that all about Dean?" Sam practically growled

"What was what about?" Dean asked, genuinely seeming confused, Sam just sighed and rolled his eyes,

"You and Alex in there, you barely even know the kid," the younger muttered, glaring at his older brother. Dean's eyes narrowed and he couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"What are you on about Sam, it was a kiss, just one little kiss, for all of that information. He could have asked me to do a lot more Sam,"

"Yeah and you would have done it, wouldn't you Dean? No matter what it had been, if he would have asked to fuck you, you would have got down on you hands and knees, with that stupid grin on your face because…" before Sam could finish his sentence Dean butted in. Eyes dark and shimmering with, hurt… with betrayal… with immense emotional pain, and Sam wished that he could take back all of what he had just said,

"Because I'm a slut right Sammy? Because all I'm good at is whoring myself off? Well sometimes I have no choice but to do that. If I wouldn't have kissed him then we wouldn't have got the information we needed, which would have slowed us down leaving another kid to be killed in the meantime. Now maybe it's just me but if I had the choice between being fucked by Alex or an innocent child being killed by something up in that Orphanage. Then I'd chose being fucked any day." Dean growled, "If that makes me a slut, then so be it,"

"Dean, I didn't mean it… I was just mad…"

"It's fine Sam, let's just go to the Asylum, sort all of this out and then get the hell out of here." Dean turned the key in the ignition Metallica immediately blasting out of the radio. Sam sighed heavily letting his head fall against the window, he hadn't meant to say all of that, he had just been… well… he'd been jealous. Which was strange because Dean was his brother and technically he shouldn't have been jealous of some guy kissing his brother. That didn't change the fact that he was though. Sam sighed once again and closed his eyes tightly, it didn't make any sense, he wasn't making any sense.

Dean took a deep breath to try and calm himself down as he drove away from the woods and back onto the main road. He couldn't work out why Sam didn't understand, wasn't it obvious by now, did Dean have to draw little diagrams to explain why he had done the things he had? Then again he was so angry that Sam couldn't understand without the fucking diagrams, wasn't he supposed to be his brother, wasn't he supposed to love him despite all of his faults. Dean growled softly, his head was pounding.

He didn't want to have to think about all of this any more, he wished that he hadn't listened to that tape, wished that he could just forget it all and everything could go back to normal. Yet he knew that, that couldn't happen. Things weren't going to be normal between him and Sam for a long time. No matter how much either of them wanted it to be…

_**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN** _

_Ok well that's the third chapter forth will be on it's way soon, please review and tell me what you thought n.n Oh and I love 'Alice in chains' even though they were completely overshadowed by Nirvana, who I do love aswell, so I just thought I'd mention them here because their music is REALLY good n.n anyhoo please review n.n_

_XXX_


	4. Bad Dreams and Misconceptions…

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**Thanks to all reviewers, last chapter was really popular which made me really happy, n.n thanks**

A/N- Sorry this took longer than usual but I didn't like the first version so wrote it again, hope its ok n.n

**_SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN_**

_**Bad Dreams and Misconceptions… **_

Dean sighed as he opened the trunk of the Impala, grabbing the EMF metre and putting it in his jacket pocket before picking up two guns and loading them up with rock salt. Sam appeared beside him and he passed one to Sam, who wearily took it, still unsure of holding a gun after the incident at Roosevelt Asylum. Sam was snapped out of his internal musings by the trunk being slammed shut. Dean looked at him, his face showing no emotion whatsoever, before tilting his head in the direction of the Orphanage.

"Come on," Dean ordered, as he walked towards the building, taking in everything about its outer appearance. It was obviously an old building holding the appearance of a large manor house crossed with a hospital. He shuddered slightly, continuing towards the two large doors at the front of the building. The Orphanage was painted white, with wooden windowsills on all of the windows. He frowned, the wood was old and rotted through and the paint had begun to peel leaving patches of bare brick and mould.

The door opened with a loud creek, and with gun ready he slipped inside the building. Due to the overshadowed state of the sky the inside of the Orphanage was quite dark despite the immense amount of windows. He stopped as Sam slipped into the building, staring at the windows for a few minutes before turning to look at Sam, confusion evident on his face.

"Sammy?" the younger male turned to look at Dean locking gazes with his older brother, "what kind of orphanage has bars on the windows?" Sam frowned slightly, glancing over at the windows to see that they were infact barred. "Do you think they were trying to keep something out, or trying to keep something in?" Sam sighed, still staring at the bars, "come on, I don't want to be here at night until we know what we're dealing with." Dean explained, causing Sam to smile, wasn't Dean the one who always charged in blind with guns blazing whilst Sam struggled to work out a plan of attack?

"Is the EMF picking up anything?" Dean slowly lifted it from his pocket, holding it out infront of him as he looked at he readings. After a few long moments of walking in silence he shook his head and put it back in his pocket.

"Absolutely nothing, of course it might be another Roosevelt, where by whatever it is only comes out at night." Dean muttered softly as they continued to advance through the corridors of the building. They came to a room and walked inside, staring at rows of what looked like hospital beds lined up against the walls. In the far corner sat on the very last bed, sat a child's doll, head resting against the door and eyes closed.

"What about in here?" Sam asked softly as he glanced around the room, Dean once again lifted the EMF metre from his pocket, it stayed silent, again he shook his head. Returning the EMF to his pocket.

"Nope, nothing, come on, we've got to find the room that the children died in last week," Dean announced and walked out of the door Sam following close behind. As the two left the room the dolls eyes opened and a shadow danced across the walls. Sam shivered as they walked up the stairs, quickly glancing around to see that nothing was there. He sighed in relief and continued up the stairs. The hallway creaked loudly beneath their feet as the advanced through the corridors. Sam stopped, looking into a room as Dean continued walking.

"Dean…" he muttered softly and Dean returned to his side in less than a second joining him in the doorway. He frowned staring at the white outlines of bodies on the floor, a shiver ran down his spine and he glanced behind him, making sure that there was nothing there. After assuring himself that there wasn't he stepped into the room, feeling Sam move behind him. He bent down by the outline, staring at the floor where the body would have been.

"We have to go to the morgue and check out these bodies," Dean said as he rose to his feet, Sam nodded softly running a hand through his hair.

"For some reason I don't think that will be easy, they've probably got everything locked down, we don't even know if the bodies are there. They might have just buried them somewhere." Dean scowled in obvious distaste.

"Well that's a morbid thought if ever there was one, poor kids," Dean muttered, turning away and walking out of the room, Sam stayed bending down and placing his hand on the patch of floor beside the chalk outline. For a moment he couldn't breathe, was literally unable to get any oxygen into his lungs, he gripped his throat, collapsing onto the floor. There was no pressure on his throat, his mind raced, he couldn't breathe and he didn't know why.

"Dean…" he rasped out, the name barely above a whisper, and he had no idea how far away Dean was or if he had actually heard him calling out to him. Dean walked back into the room a few seconds later to see Sam on the floor clutching his throat and struggling to breathe, he immediately ran over to his little brother, crouching down beside him.

"Sammy, Sammy," and when he placed his hand on Sam's shoulder the younger gasped, filling his lungs with air and staring blankly up at the ceiling. "Sammy, are you ok?" Dean asked running his hand through his baby brother's messy brown hair. Sam nodded, slowly sitting up and glancing around,

"Yeah, what was that?" Sam asked, Dean merely shrugged,

"I haven't got a clue, the EMF was silent the whole time, do you think it might have something to do with… you know… your… 'Psychic tendencies?'" Sam shrugged, running a hand through his hair and staring at Dean with confusion evident in his eyes.

"I don't know, I didn't see anything Dean, I felt it, I couldn't breathe, I have no idea why but I could not breathe." Sam explained, Dean nodded and helped his brother to his feet, leading him towards the door.

"Come on, let's get out of here, there's nothing else we can do right now," Dean mumbled, letting go of Sam and walking off infront of him down the corridor. Sam glanced back into the room, to see a shadow run past the wall opposite. He frowned and rubbed his eyes, if the shadow had been there then it wasn't there anymore. "Sam come on," Dean demanded, Sam nodded, turning away from the room and jogging to catch up with his brother.

"Something's not right here Dean," Sam muttered when he reached his older brother, Dean looked at him quizzically, eyebrow raised.

"What do you mean?" he asked, beginning his descent on the staircase,

"I'm not sure, it's just… it's strange, I can feel that something here is wrong," Dean looked over at him again, boyish smirk in place.

"You seem to be feeling a lot of things recently Sam, that's no coincidence, it's got to be your feminine intuition," Dean joked as they reached the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the exit.

"Jerk," Sam growled, playfully hitting his brother's arm, Dean smirked and chuckled,

"Bitch," and right then, right there, it had felt like old times, like things were normal between them and both of them realised how much they had missed that feeling. Of things being fine between them, of not having to tread on eggshells around the other for fear of saying something that could so easily be blown out of context.

"Where are we going now?" Sam asked as they made their way down another darkened corridor, Dean sighed and shrugged,

"Uh, the morgue, we can check to see if any of the bodies were brought there and if they were then we can check them out, see what happened." Dean explained, turning into another corridor, Sam nodded.

"And who will we be pretending to be this time?" Sam asked jokingly, Dean thought about this for a while before smiling and shrugging.

"Well we haven't been FBI agents for a while," Dean mused as they walked out of the orphanage, Sam just rolled his eyes as they placed the guns back in the trunk and slipped into the Impala once again. They drove away in the same uneasy silence that they had driven to the Orphanage and Alex Macabre's house in. Sam frowned as Dean took a left turn glancing down at the map before returning his gaze to his older brother.

"Dean, this is the wrong way to the morgue," Sam explained, Dean nodded, glancing over at Sam quickly before looking back at the road.

"I know that Sam, change of plan, I'm gonna drop you off at the library, you can do your whole collage boy thing and try to get us some information. Meanwhile, I'll be at the morgue trying to find out what happened to those kids." Dean explained hands tightening on the steering wheel.

"But Alex is getting us all the information tomorrow, wouldn't it be best if I went with you?" Sam asked noticing how Dean's knuckles were quickly turning white.

"No, if we can get all of this over with tonight then I'd be a lot happier, the best way to do this is to try and find out as much as we can as soon as we can. So I'll drop you off at the library swing round to the morgue and then pick you up when I find anything out ok?" Dean asked but he wasn't looking for an answer. Sure he wanted to get all of this over with as soon as he possibly could but he had an ulterior motive, he had to get away from Sam, even if it was only for a little bit. He couldn't stand to sit there and play happy families anymore; he needed a break, just for a while.

"Yeah, sure," Sam said, understanding that Dean needed some time alone, Sam sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. They really had to talk about this later, had to sort everything out between the two of them. Right now however Sam guessed that they just had to be alone. The rest of the way to the library they sat in silence, and when Sam got out of the Impala Dean still said nothing, merely waved him goodbye with two fingers before continuing on his way. Sam watched the Impala drive away until he could see it no more and then ascended the steps pushing the library doors open and stepping inside.

For a small town the library was a good size, nicely furbished, at the front desk sat an old woman, obviously the librarian. Beside her sat a young woman, in her late teens, she smiled at Sam as he passed causing the old woman to roll her eyes and nudge the girl. Demanding that she pay better attention before she rose from her chair,

"Is there anything I can help you with son?" She asked with a soft, somewhat untrusting smile, he smiled back and shook his head.

"No thank you, I just need to use one of the computers is all," Sam said, waving as he descended the staircase to the lower level of the library and sat down at a computer that was facing the wall. He didn't think any of the locals would be particularly happy that he was drudging up old records about the Rosenkreuz Orphanage. Especially when they were trying so hard to hide all knowledge about it's existence to outsiders so he decided to try to be as discreet as possible.

He spent what felt like an eternity searching for old morgue and police records only to discover that the ones he was searching for were _'unavailable'_ or _'could not be found' _strange how that happens. After trying various other ways to get to the files and the information he realised that they were not infact there, they had been removed from the system a while after they had been put up. Frowning he scrapped the idea of searching through police records. Deciding instead to look up newspaper articles, considering there were no current stories regarding the Orphanage he went back as far as he could.

It was then when he found one about a new Orphanage being founded at the edge of the town for children who had lost their parents in the town itself and the towns surrounding it. The article showed a picture of the Orphanage, as it had been long ago, when it had been opened. He frowned once again and zoomed in on the pictures noticing that originally there had been no bars on the windows. He then continued to skim through the article but it said nothing of great interest stating that the Orphanage would be named Rosenkreuz after the founder and would be entrusted to his son and daughter-in-law, Pete and Eva Rosenkreuz.

A few years later there was another article on Rosenkreuz, displaying a picture of the Orphanage with the bars on the windows. The article itself did not say much other than the place was to be closed down and left desolate. Saying that due to the gravity of the incident that had happened within it's walls it was best to leave the place as a mark of respect than tear it down and build something else, or renovate it. Sam scowled, 'incident' that word again, they kept using it, never elaborating on what had actually happened.

After that there were no other articles on the Rosenkreuz Orphanage, Sam for one did not believe that it ended there. The media in this town had been well and truly gagged and they didn't seem to care. With a sigh he leant back in the chair and ran a hand through his hair before stretching and clicking the knots out of his spine. He jumped when the hand was placed on his shoulder and glanced back to see Dean stood behind him.

"Any joy?" The elder asked, grabbing a chair and pulling it next to Sam's, leaving it so that the back was facing the computer and sitting down so that he was straddling it. Folding his arms and resting them on the top of the chair back. Sam just sighed, returning to the first article and displaying it on the computer screen.

"Not really no, I couldn't find any reports from the local morgue or any of the police records so I decided to look at newspaper articles, I found two, this one which is about the Orphanage being opened. Apparently it was founded by a man named Christian Rosenkreuz who then entrusted the running of the place to his son and daughter in law. Peter Rosenkreuz was a lieutenant in the army; the place was built at the very beginning of the Second World War, before America even got involved. His wife Eva was a nurse, they took on some staff but pretty much ran the place themselves."

"There's an 'until' coming soon isn't there," Dean stated more than he asked, Sam smirked and nodded, continuing from where he had been interrupted.

"Well I've got no hard facts for this, but Peter Rosenkreuz was a lieutenant right?" Dean nodded, "well, a few years later, America got involved in the war, meaning that he would have had to go off to fight. Leaving Eva to deal with the place on her own. Maybe something started attacking them from the woods and so she put the bars on the window to keep it out." Sam mused aloud,

"Well if that was the case then they didn't do a very good job of it did they?"

"Probably not, the next article I found was a while later, a few months after the end of the war, the place was being shut down. The article says that due to the incident that occurred there the Orphanage would be left abandoned as a mark of respect." Sam explained, "what backs up my theory about the bars on the windows is that, in the first picture," Sam zoomed in on the windows, "there are no bars, but on the second picture the one taken when it was being closed down." Sam brought up the other picture and zoomed in, "there are the bars,"

"Ok, good job Sammy, but that doesn't really give us a lot to go on, we should probably wait for Alex to give us the records tomorrow before we head back to the Asylum. I want a clear picture on what we're dealing with here," Dean explained standing from his seat,

"Dean," he glanced back at his little brother with an eyebrow raised, "did you find anything out at the morgue?" Sam asked, as softly as he could, Dean sighed sitting back down and shaking his head.

"Nope, they told me that they didn't know what I was talking about, said that no children had been found dead at Rosenkreuz Orphanage and that as such no corpses of any children had been brought into the morgue. They also added that no children had ever been brought through their doors that had died of 'suspicious circumstances' after that I left, there was nothing else I could do. They were hiding something I know that but whatever it was there was no way in hell they were going to tell me." Dean explained rising from his seat once again, "you hungry?"

"A little," Sam admitted shutting down the computer and standing beside his brother, stretching all of the muscles in his body that had been inactive up until that point.

"Come on, lets go get something to eat," Dean suggested as they walked over to the stairs and reached the first level of the library. Before they reached the door however the old woman stopped them, calling out to the two of them. They sighed turning around to glance at her with unimpressed looks, they were tired, hungry, and pissed off at being unable to find the answers to their questions in this shitty town. Now was not the time to push the brothers Winchester.

"Excuse me, but I have not seen the two of you before and I have been here long enough to know everyone who lives in this town. Forgive an old bag for being nosy but who are you two and what are you doing here?" She asked, eyes dark. Dean smiled his adorable boyish grin and shrugged.

"We were just passing through thought we'd check out the landmarks, Sam's a collage student, doesn't feel at home unless he has his nose in a book or is sat in a library." Dean joked, the old woman just frowned, "he was feeling homesick, wanted to come and check his e-mail." Dean explained the woman just continued to frown.

"So why did I overhear you talking about the old Rosenkreuz place?" The woman asked, pushing her glasses further up on the bridge of her nose.

"What? Oh we were just talking about this place we visited in Germany last year," Sam covered, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him towards the door.

"Oh sorry, I thought you two were talking about something else," the old woman said though her eyes told them that she hadn't believed a word of it.

"Michelle, please, leave it," the younger woman begged after witnessing the exchange between the three people, gently placing her hand on the old woman's shoulder and passing Sam and Dean an apologetic smile.

"No, Lizzy, I'm old and set in my ways, strangers bring nothing but bad luck, I don't like them being in my town, darkness always follows them here." Sam and Dean merely glanced at each other, Dean smirking as he turned to look at the woman.

"So… uh… what do you mean by 'bad luck' and 'darkness' what exactly happens when strangers come to the town?" Dean asked as he waltzed over to the desk, leaning against it and staring at the old woman inquisitively.

"Well… I meant that… uh…"

"You meant what? What happened here when strangers came here before, what happened that made you fear us?" Dean pushed; she stared at Lizzy, as if for help, the woman just stared at her in confusion, obviously unsure of what the woman was trying to convey.

"Has something happened here? We're with the FBI ma'am, we can help," Sam interjected, the woman looked up at him, an almost sullen smile crossing her face.

"You two seem to have misunderstood me, what happens within this town stays in this town, it has nothing to do with strangers, you are not wanted here so I suggest you just leave now…" Was is them or did she sound like she was begging them to leave? As if she was… worried about them or what might happen to them if they stayed here?

"Why should we? Last I checked it was a free country, tourists can go where they want whenever they want." Dean stated matter of factly. The woman just stared at him,

"Listen… I tried to say it nicely but we don't want your type here, we're an old fashioned town," she explained, Dean and Sam glanced over at each other, unsure of what she was trying to say.

"Excuse me, but what do you mean by type?" Sam asked, eyebrow raised,

"Homosexuals, like I said, we're an old fashioned town with old fashioned values, people like you make the townspeople feel uncomfortable." She explained though it seemed strained, almost like a lie.

"Well, what we do in our spare time is none of your business and I for one am not going to leave just because people don't like the way I am. If they don't like me then that's their problem not mine." Dean muttered, walking over to Sam and grabbing hold of his arm, leading him out of the library and into the cool night air. They were halfway to the Impala when Lizzy called out to them, running over to where they were stood.

"I'm really sorry about that, I don't know what's wrong with her, she's always testy when strangers come into town. I'm not really sure why, but she's never said things like that before, my brother's gay and she's never had any problems with him, infact the town has a good outlook on homosexual relationships so I really don't know why she said what she did. I just thought I'd let you know, nobody here will mind about your sexual orientations." She explained, fidgeting nervously. Dean smiled at her and placing his hand on her shoulder gently.

"Thanks for that, it's good to know, thanks again, maybe we'll see you around," Dean said, she nodded and smiled softly,

"I'd like that, anyway, I'd best be getting back, we'll be closing up soon, goodnight," she mumbled turning around and walking back towards the library.

Sam frowned as they continued towards the Impala, grabbing Dean's arm and turning his brother so that he was looking at him; Dean just raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked referring to the events inside and outside the library, "why did you let them think that we were sleeping together?"

"I don't know, because I don't care what other people think about us," Dean explained as he opened the door to the driver's seat and ducked into the Impala. Sam frowned once again, ducking into his side.

"Still that librarian was an old woman why couldn't you have just said that we we're brothers?" Dean sighed placing the keys in the ignition but instead of starting the car he just turned to look at Sam.

"Because I'm tired of trying to explain myself to people I don't even know when I can't even get across my reasons for doing the things I do to the person who is closest to me in the whole world." Dean explained matter of factly as he turned the key in the ignition and started the car, the Impala almost roaring to life.

"Is this what this is always going to be about Dean? The fact that I don't understand why you do some of the things you do? If I don't and it's annoying you so goddamned much then why don't you just explain it to me?" Sam asked, growing increasingly tired of Dean's attitude towards him; yes he admitted that he had said some harsh things in regards to his brother. Yes he felt bad about it, he had said sorry more times than he could count and still Dean wasn't prepared to forgive him. He was getting tired of the cold shoulder, of the silence.

"One day I will Sammy, but not now, I can't right now." Dean explained staring at the road ahead and refusing to even glance at his baby brother

"Fine, whatever, but when we're done here we're going to sit down and talk about all of this, in detail, I don't care if you think it's a 'chick-flick' moment, it's what we're going to do." Sam explained, leaning his head against the window, he had a headache and the cool of the glass felt wonderful against the heat that pulsed through his head.

"Ok," Dean said simply, glancing over at his younger brother to see the slight grimace on his face, "are you ok Sam?" Sam's eyes opened and he gave a weak smile to his older brother,

"Yeah, just a little tired," Sam admitted

"We'll get food to go then," Dean muttered softly, turning the radio off. Sam had a headache, it was obvious and Dean was slightly concerned, there was a lot of tension between the two of them at the moment and though he knew that it had to be resolved he just couldn't bare to face it head on right now. He felt guilty about that of course, because he couldn't help wondering if Sam was maybe picking up on that with his ESP.

XxxxxX 

A heartbeat, pounding loudly, unbearable, the only sound in the otherwise deafening silence. Yet it wasn't the heartbeat from a body, no, this one surrounded him, reverberating off of the walls. He shuddered, advancing through the darkness, an irritating whisper in his ear, a chill on his back, soaking through his clothes and onto skin. The kind of cold you felt when something supernatural was behind you. Still he continued on, not knowing where he was going as he was finding it difficult to even see his hand waving infront of his face.

The clinking of chains echoed throughout the room and the heartbeat sped up, the voice whispered in his ear once again and he stopped moving, suddenly feeling the grip of a gun being held in his right hand. He could feel the smirk tugging at his lips, could feel his hand tighten around the gun, could feel his own heartbeat within his chest, slightly abnormal, beating a little too fast but that was nothing compared to the thudding inside the room. He titled his head and a light flickered on, the voice whispering once again but what it was saying he just didn't know.

He saw the chains nailed roughly halfway down the wall, following them down to the body that they kept restrained to the wall. A trail of blood running down from where the perfectly soft lips had been split, another trail of blood running down from a gash on the side of the male's face. The smirk widened, the head was bowed and turned slightly to the left, enough to reveal the cuts but not enough to give away who the being was. He was slouched on the floor, tired of struggling against the restraints, and it was obvious that he had struggled. His wrists were bright red, spotted with blood from where he had pulled and tried to free himself.

His shirt had been ripped open and trails of blood ran down from various wounds in his chest, then he glanced up, meeting the gaze of the man with the gun in his hand. Tears running silently from his beautiful hazel eyes to fall down to meet the gashes on his cheeks and mix with the blood that it found there, creating a sinister looking pink that fell from soft flesh onto hard concrete. The moonlight illuminated the handsome masculine features, giving the figure an almost ethereal glow, and a saddened smirk tugged at the one side of his lips, creating a half-hearted lopsided grin that made him look completely and utterly defeated.

"_Sammy…" _the male rasped, and it was like being hit by a train, the way the realisation made him feel. The man sat on the floor, with his hands chained to the wall, was Dean… his older brother, and Sam became even more aware of the gun in his hand. Even more aware of the fact that there was a voice in his ear and that he was raising the gun, pointing it at Dean's heart. Sam screamed out within his head, telling himself to stop, screaming and crying and begging for himself to drop the gun and help Dean.

Though he didn't, that part of Sam wasn't in control it was another part, the part that wanted Dean dead and there was nothing that Sam could do to stop it. No matter how much he screamed his pleas weren't acknowledged by his own body. The lopsided smirk slowly turned into a gentle smile and hazel eyes fell closed, the wall of tears that had built within them shattering and falling in crystalline rivulets down the elder's cheeks. He looked so broken, so complacent, so dead even though he was still very much alive.

When the hazel eyes opened once more, staring down the barrel of the gun, they were glazed with a sort of overwhelming pain, that was so intense it hurt Sam just to see it. He wanted to drop the gun, to walk over to Dean and wrap his arms around him. To hold him close and tell him that everything would be ok, but he couldn't force his body to do that, so there he stood with the gun pointing directly at Dean's heart, his brother chained to the wall so defeated, so hurt, so betrayed.

"_I wish… I wish I could have made you understand Sammy, then maybe you wouldn't hate me as much as you do." _Dean whispered, eyes falling closed once again, and Sam felt himself pushing down on the trigger, screaming for his body to stop, to listen, screaming that this wasn't what he wanted. Nevertheless he continued to press down on the trigger until it could be pushed back no further. Then he felt himself let go, watched as the bullet was released from the gun and sent hurtling into Dean's chest, watched as the bullet hit and Dean collapsed forward… one word escaping the elders lips… _"Sorry…" _

"NO!" Sam jolted up in his bed, heart pounding within his chest, sweat beading his brow and causing his hair to stick to his forehead. He felt sick and dizzy, more than anything he felt absolutely terrified. He had foreseen Jess' death in his dreams weeks before it had actually happened, what if this was foretelling what was going to happen to Dean? What if this was a vision; a vision showing him that he was going to kill his brother? Finish what he had started in the Asylum back in Illinois.

He looked over at Dean to see the elder awake and staring at him, and Sam couldn't take it anymore, silent tears began to make their ways down his face. He wouldn't hurt Dean again, he would never hurt Dean again and he would certainly never kill Dean. No matter what, he leant forward, cradling his head in his hands. Shielding his face from view, he didn't expect Dean to comfort him, didn't expect for Dean to sit down on the edge of his bed and wrap his arms around his baby brother, holding him close. Telling him that it was just a bad dream and that it would all be ok.

He didn't expect it but it happened, the mattress shifted slightly due to the new weight that it found had been placed upon it and two strong, familiar arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Bringing him flush against the body of his elder brother, as he shakily wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his head into his brother's neck, taking in Dean's scent and feeling suddenly calm and at peace. Dean gently began to rub the younger's back whispering a soft 'ssh' as he rocked his baby brother in an attempt to console him.

"Ssh, it's ok, just a nightmare, ssh Sammy," Dean hushed softly, running his hand through Sam's hair, the younger just hugged the older tighter. Desperate to feel him, to know that he was there and that he wasn't going anywhere. Because Sam knew that he would kill anything that conspired to take Dean from him…

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN 

Ok well that is the fourth chapter not many to go now, and we're getting closer to the good stuff, God it takes me forever to get characters together --U please forgive me and please review it would mean a lot to me n.n

Thank you…


	5. The problem with visions

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n Oh, I also own Alex, he belongs to me n.n so if you would like to borrow please ask n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**Thanks to all reviewers, sorry that this is soo late but I got stabbed in the leg (glares at jakisbishlygay) just joking I found that review hilarious, I really just had computer troubles, sorry and here is the next chapter…**

**_SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN_**

_**The problem with visions…**_

Sam awoke the next morning to feel the gentle breath running through his hair, the soft, steady heartbeat beneath his ear and the wondrously warm skin against the side of his face. He felt at ease even before his mind had cleared of the sleep that seemed to hang in it like cobwebs. Even before he actually knew who was lying beside him. He glanced up to see that Dean was still asleep and the memories of last night came flooding back to him, the memories of that dream. Of Dean, of the gun, of shooting him. It was all just way too close to home for Sam's liking.

Dean shifted slightly and Sam frowned, he wanted just a few more minutes like this, just lying against Dean, having him so close. He got what he wanted, after a few seconds Dean settled back into what appeared to be a peaceful sleep. Sam smiled softly and lifted his head from where it had been resting against his older brother's chest, sliding up and gently nuzzling against the elder's neck. He wasn't entirely sure why he had done that, it had just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Had felt so natural, so normal, he sighed against the elder's skin, his eyes falling closed, savouring the moment.

He wasn't sure how long he lay like that, Dean's arm casually thrown over his waist, his head buried lovingly into the crook of his brother's neck. He just knew that sometime later he felt a hand running soothingly through his hair. He didn't bother to open his eyes, he knew that it was Dean, knew that he had woken up a few moments before. They still loved each other, Sam was sure of that but there was just so much in the way. So much confusion and uncertainty, so much hurt. That neither of them knew what to do with each other, what they could say, and or do, to make things right again.

With a sigh Sam opened his eyes, staring directly at the flesh that covered his older brother's neck, Dean's hand continued to stroke through the younger's hair, seemingly in a world of his own. He would do anything for Sammy, despite what he himself wanted. Last night when Sam had woke up screaming and panting; Dean was just going to pretend to still be asleep. Not yet ready to hold Sam and comfort him. Though when he had seen the tears falling silently down his baby brother's cheeks. He knew that he couldn't just lye there and do nothing, he had to comfort him, had to rock him back to sleep and tell him that everything was going to be ok, because he was his older brother and that was his job. Had been since their mother had died all those years ago, and he wasn't about to renounce it now.

"You ok Sammy, you were a little shook up last night," Dean explained softly, Sam yawned and nodded against Dean's chest.

"Yeah, just a bad dream was all," Dean sighed, his hand still running through the messy brown hair belonging to his younger brother. "What's the time?" He asked still refusing to move from where he was pressed against the elder, Dean lifted his wrist, glancing at the clock face on his watch.

"Half seven, come on we'd best get to work," Dean muttered, untangling himself from Sam and stretching, he flinched slightly, his shoulder jarring, it had loosened up but it was far from being completely healed. Sam watched his brother get up and walk into the bathroom, they had been correct in assuming that the mirror would be fixed by the time they got back. It had been and there had also been a bill left on the side cabinet that Dean had yet to pay. He heard the shower being turned on and stood from the bed slowly making his way into the bathroom.

"So are we going to go see Alex today?" Sam asked as he turned the tap on and began to brush his teeth, cringing at how the name had slipped out of his mouth. Could he have made it anymore obvious that he was jealous of the kid?

"Yeah, we need to get that information and he's the only one who can get it for us," Dean explained, figure hidden by the shower curtain, Sam just sighed and leant against the sink as he stared at the shower. At where he could just about see his brother's silhouette against the curtain that separated them.

"Then what are we going to do?" Sam asked after he'd rinsed his mouth out, returning to where he had been leaning against the basin.

"Then we go back to the Orphanage, we finish this and hit the road,"

"No Dean, we're going to sit down and talk before we leave." Sam corrected, Dean just rolled his eyes and turned off the water, grabbing the towel that he had thrown over the shower curtain rail and gently dabbing himself off before wrapping it around his waist and pulling back the shower curtain. If Sam wouldn't have been so aware of himself in that moment and what he was doing then he knew that his jaw would have dropped. Thankfully he was in control and so he saved himself from what could have been a potentially embarrassing and strange situation.

"Whatever Sammy, we'll talk ok, when all this is over we'll talk, right now hurry up and take a shower so that we can speed all this up." Dean said as he strolled out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Dean sighed softly and dropped the towel as he dug through his duffel bag for some fresh boxer shorts and clothes in general. After changing he sat down on the edge of the bed and took out his phone and the piece of paper that Alex had given him.

Shaking his hair and drying it the best he could with a towel Sam wrapped one round his waist and walked out of the bathroom to see Dean sat on the edge of his bed, talking on his phone. He chuckled slightly and shook his head as he leant back down and stared up at the ceiling, paying absolutely no attention to Sam as he began to dress.

"So he was that pissed off hey? Nice," Dean chuckled once again running a hand through his still slightly damp hair as he stared up at the paint that had begun to peel on the ceiling. "What a jerk… no it never really came up," The elder male mused softly obviously thinking about whatever the other person on the phone had just said in great detail. "Yes I'm sure and he wasn't pissed off… just… well, I'm not sure what his problem was, he just doesn't like me doing that kind of thing." Dean muttered softly, that got Sam's attention he was fairly certain that his older brother had been talking about him.

"Dean, what, who is it? Are you talking about me?" Sam asked as he slid on a shirt and started buttoning it up. Dean just shushed him and waved him off before getting back to his conversation. Sam growled and sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at his brother.

"I don't know the 'selling myself for shit' kind of thing." Dean elaborated, causing Sam to growl, was it so wrong to not want his brother to sell his body to get whatever they needed? He didn't think so but apparently Dean had very different views. In Dean's mind Sam was in the wrong for not thinking that it was ok to whore oneself away in order to get something. He didn't think that it was necessary, there were other way's to get information. "Glad to see that someone understands kid,"

"Let me guess, Alex," Sam practically snarled the name

"Yeah, ok, thanks kid, see you soon, bye," Dean mumbled, flipping his phone shut and sitting up to look over at Sam. "Alex has got the information, he said we can come pick them up now or whenever he doesn't mind." Dean asked noting the slight frown on Sam's face. "What's wrong Sam?" Dean asked softly,

"You, acting like I'm not here, talking about me to some complete stranger," and as the words left his mouth Sam realised that saying that made him such a hypocrite. Of course it was far too late, the words had already left his mouth. He saw the smirk tug at Dean's lips, saw the flash of pain and betrayal that was quickly masked by indifference.

"I don't even have to say it do I Sam, you know how hypocritical that statement was. Now come on, we've got to go," Dean instructed as he picked up his leather jacket and headed towards the door. Sam sighed and stood from the bed, following Dean and closing the door behind them.

Once again they drove in silence, Dean not even entertaining the idea of delving into a long conversation with his baby brother. He didn't even put on the radio, for once actually enjoying the silence. Sam just leant his head against the window, drifting off into his internal musings. Thinking about Dean, about the Asylum back in Illinois, about the dream he had had last night. Thought about waking up in Dean's arms, how absolutely wonderful that had felt.

"We're almost there," Dean mumbled softly as he took the second turning in the woods, finally turning onto the long driveway that led up to the house. Sam frowned, biting his tongue, there was so much that he wanted to say about Alex, he wanted to slag him off, tear him down. But he knew that the only reason he wanted to do that was because Dean seemed to really like the kid. God, why was he so jealous, he had never felt like this before, not even when Dean practically threw himself at girls.

With a soft sigh he ran his hand through his hair, he was just so confused right now, Sam was so deep in thought that he didn't even realise that the car had stopped until Dean shook his shoulder gently and told him to snap out of it.

"Great," Sam mumbled half-heartedly as he and Dean stepped out of the car and walked towards the house. Dean softly knocked on the wooden door, humming softly underneath his breath as he waited for the door to be opened. A few seconds later the door opened to reveal Sheriff Macabre, he growled softly upon seeing Dean and even though he was stood behind him Sam could tell that Dean was grinning that stupid school-boy grin of his. Pushing Dean behind him slightly, Sam smiled and greeted the sheriff. "Hi sir, we're here to see Alex." Sam explained, the Sheriff sighed and stepped aside motioning for the two to come in.

"He's upstairs in his room," the older male explained as he closed the door behind the two brothers' "you better not touch my son," the Sheriff growled as Dean breezed past him. Sam smiled softly and once again stepped inbetween the Sheriff and his brother, effectively separating the two.

"Hey, it's ok, nothing's going to happen, we'll be skipping town soon, we're just here to say goodbye is all." Sam explained, the Sheriff stared at him for a while before nodding and turning to head back into the kitchen. Sam sighed and pushed Dean in the direction of the stairs just as the elder male turned to speak to them again.

"Try to keep your lover on his leash please," The sheriff muttered in reference to the two males currently stood in his company. Sam just smiled and nodded.

"I'll do my best sir," Sam said, not denying anything, Dean had been right after all, who cared what other people thought. Dean stared at him in mild shock before he was once again shoved up the stairs by his younger brother.

"What was that about?" Dean asked, voice slightly more high-pitched than usual, Sam just chuckled and shrugged.

"If he thinks that you're sleeping with me then he doesn't think that you're sleeping with Alex and you might just leave here without a bullet lodged in your head." Sam growled, continuing to push Dean up the stairs, the elder sighed and shrugged as they reached the landing. Taking the directions the Sheriff had given to them. Dean knocked lightly on the door, there was no response to the knocking so after several minutes waiting the elder merely shrugged and opened the door, walking in.

The boy didn't glance up as they entered, didn't even realise that they were there, he was sat on his bed, leaning against the wall, he had a sketchbook in his lap, mindlessly sketching out images with a piece of charcoal. His hands were black with the powder from the stick. He had earphones in, his Ipod lying beside him on the bed. The black hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, every once in a while the blue-eyed male would reach up to brush stray hair out of his eyes, only to leave a trail of charcoal on his pale flesh.

Dean smirked sitting down beside the boy, being extra careful not to disturb him or cause the bed to shift too much. Sam just watched his brother, wondering why exactly he was so on edge. He glanced down at the picture, various trees twisted and contorted with birds perched atop the branches, a moon looming in the distance with wolves stalking the ground below. It was good, very good, Alex brushed his hair out of his face once more leaving a dark smudge of charcoal where his hand had passed.

Dean casually leant forward, brushing the black smudge from the younger male's face, Alex glanced up, his eyes not filled with surprise. Just amusement, he smirked softly and rubbed his hands against his jeans before placing the drawing aside and removing the earplugs.

"Sorry, I was in a world of my own there," he explained with a soft smile leaning against the wall, "I didn't even here you come in, " he muttered cracking his knuckles, Dean smirked and shrugged.

"Don't worry about it, though I didn't think I'd be seeing the inside of your bedroom this early on in the relationship." Alex chuckled softly and shrugged,

"What can I say? A good looking guy like you, I just can't handle myself," Alex smirked softly, Dean smirking back. Sam wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch Alex or throw up.

"Dean we don't have a lot of time you know," Sam ground out through clenched teeth, his hands fisted tightly at his sides. Dean glanced over at his younger brother with a slight frown, wondering what was wrong with Sam and why he was acting so edgy, with a soft sigh and a roll of his eyes Dean nodded and turned back to look at Alex.

"Did you manage to get the files?" Dean asked, Alex smirked and nodded,

"Of course, did you doubt me?" Alex asked leaning closer to Dean, the elder smirked and shook his head, also leaning in so that they were only millimetres apart by now the twitch at the corner of Sam's eye was more than obvious.

"No way, I would never doubt you, you seem so damn good at _everything," _Dean gave the 'everything' a slight emphasis,

"Eh hem, so, where are the files." Alex sighed softly and leant back standing from the bed and walking over to his desk draw, he opened it and lifted several file folders from the drawer,

"Take a seat," Alex said softly, motioning to the bed and the place Alex had just been sat in moments ago, Sam gave a slight smile and a nod and sat down in the offered place. More than happy to be putting some distance between the boy and his brother. Alex then grabbed the chair from his desk, placing it infront of the bed and sitting down before causally flipping open the folder. "Ok, this is basically all about when, where and why Rosenkreuz was founded…"

"Yeah we read something like that at the local library," Sam stated, sounding completely unimpressed, if that was all that Alex had come up with then surely they had merely wasted their time with coming here. And Dean had kissed the boy for nothing… that thought made him feel quite ill…

"Yeah, there's a newspaper article there or something but trust me this goes into way more detail, uh, for example, did you know all about Peter and Evangeline Rosenkreuz? What they were like, their relationships, their backgrounds, what they looked like even?" Sam shook his head, Alex merely gave a small smile, "here, this says it all, it's got pictures and detailed background information on both Peter and Evangeline." Alex stated handing him the file. Sam took it from the boy, smiling softly,

"Thanks," Sam muttered as he held the file open so that Dean could see it, the first page was all about Christian Rosenkreuz, the founder of the Orphanage, a picture or an old man yet strong looking man attached to the top of the page via a paper clip. The next page was all about Peter, explaining about his military background and strict upbringing again a picture was attached to the top, a man in his late thirties and in full military uniform staring blankly at whoever was taking the photo.

He then turned the page only to have the file snatched away by Dean who then proceeded to stare at the picture adorning the page with narrowed eyes. After a few minutes of silence Sam and Alex both inquired about Dean's reaction, both giving an undignified 'what.' He tore his gaze from the picture, glancing up at Alex before allowing his gaze to settle on Sam.

"This woman," he said showing them the picture, "Sammy, you remember that night when I crashed the Impala,"

"Yeah, it was only a night or two ago, you were driving back from the take out place or something, it was the night when… we talked about the tape…" Sam muttered, mentally cursing himself for bringing that up, why couldn't he just let it die? Sometimes he really did think that he was stupid or something.

"That's the one, well the woman, the apparition I told you appeared in the back seat, this is her, Evangeline Rosenkreuz, and the little girl, I'm guessing that she would have been one of the children at the Orphanage." Dean explained softly as he passed the file to Sam, allowing him to get a better look. Alex stayed silent for a while, absorbing all of the information that he was currently receiving. "I'm sorry we have to tell you all of this Alex, I don't like doing it, telling kids that there really are things in their closets. I haven't liked doing it from day one, not even telling Sammy."

"Don't worry about it, I'm ok, I might not look it but I can be tough when I need to be," Alex explained with a slight smirk, Sam frowned in distaste, the double meaning blindingly obvious. Dean merely smirked back, "anyway, the rest of the files pretty much just explain what happened, why it was shut down what happened afterwards leading up to the incidents recently." Alex stated, passing over the files,

Sam took one folder from the pile, opening it to stare at the papers lying within, it was about the children that had lived at Rosenkreuz, why they were there, pictures, things like that. Dean and Alex were talking, gentle flirting as they always seemed to do when around one another, Sam was just trying his hardest to focus on the words within the file and not on what they were saying. He flipped pages quietly; a picture of a young girl with a doll adorned the top of the page, before he could actually start to read what was written his head started to throb. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to force the paralysing pain away.

He grunted softly, pinching the bridge of his nose as blurred confused images poured into his mind, completely overriding his senses. The girl with the dark hair crying, screaming, laughing, running around, playing with her doll. Then begging, screaming inside his head for help, saw her lying on the floor, eyes open, glazed over, not moving. The doll propped up against the wall, shadows playing across the walls. He shakily rose to his feet, sensing hands on his shoulders, he could hear people talking to him but it was lost in the haze of his mind, leaving him unable to distinguish between the voices in his head and reality.

He stumbled towards the door, pulling it open and practically falling into the hall, he collapsed onto his knees in the corridor, cradling his head in his hands. He wanted to scream in pain, wanted to smash his head against a wall in an attempt to knock himself out and stop the excruciating pain coursing through his body at that moment. He felt hands on his shoulders, felt himself being lifted slightly. He couldn't breathe again felt himself clawing at his throat but couldn't feel the pain he caused himself as he began to break the skin due to the throbbing inside his skull.

The girl screamed inside his head once again, lying in the centre of the floor, not moving, not breathing, not living. Then she stood before him, clearly dead, her index finger pushed against her lips. She flickered in and out of existence, her hands pressed against her ears as if to block out a loud noise. She flickered once again, the doll appearing in her arms and then disappearing, shadows playing across the walls only to fade out and disappear as quickly as they had come.

"Ssh, be quiet…" She whispered, then she was gone, the images faded and he was left simply with the sound of blood crashing inside his ears. Left with silence and a calm inside his mind which suddenly, due to the previous commotion inside his skull felt strange and unusual to him. It was as if something was missing. Suddenly he realised that he wasn't breathing and inhaled deeply, taking in as much oxygen as he possibly could. 

"Sammy, Sammy, come on Sammy, that's it, come back, ssh, that's it." Dean muttered softly as he stroked through his younger brother's hair, soothing him softly.

"Is he ok?" Alex asked from where he was leant against his doorframe, seeming to be genuinely concerned about the other male. "What happened?"

"I honestly don't know," Dean muttered, staring down at where his brothers head lay in his lap, the hazel eyes were still glazed with a faraway look, the way they often were after he came to from a particularly horrifying nightmare. Slowly his eyes began to clear, Sam coming back to himself, groaning softly as he did.

"Ahh, fuck my head," gently he pushed the heel of his hands against his eyes placing a soft amount of pressure on them as he tried to force the pain in his skull away.

"What's going on up here, is he ok, does he need an ambulance or something?" Sheriff Macabre asked from where he had just appeared on the top stair, Dean just shook his head, running his hands soothingly through Sam's hair as the younger tried to regain his senses and ignore the immense pain inside his head so that he could stand.

"Try not to mistake that for actual concern, he just wants to make sure he's not going to be sued," Alex explained with distaste, pushing himself away from the doorframe and folding his arms across his chest.

"Be quiet boy," Sheriff Macabre demanded, eyes narrowed slightly,

"God what's wrong, they're never this bad…" Sam mumbled softly, pressing harder against his eyes and trying his best to will the pain swimming around inside his head away.

"I know, just… just try to stay still," Dean instructed, "you never usually wander off like that when you have them either, what was that about?" Dean asked softly,

"I don't know, it was like… like I had to go somewhere… I didn't know where I, I just had to go," Sam explained, removing his hands from his eyes and letting them fall limply to his sides. He stared up at Dean for a moment before Dean pulled his gaze away, letting it fall on Alex, Sam allowed his head to turn away from the raven-haired boy, staring down the empty corridor. Something closely resembling hurt and betrayal shining softly in his eyes.

"I think we should go, sorry Alex, could you uh… grab my stuff I think Sam's going to need some help getting to the car." Dean asked, Alex stared for a moment, slightly confused before realisation dawned on him causing him to nod.

"Oh right, yeah, dad can you go open the door for Dean I'll just go get your stuff and bring it outside to you ok?" Alex said, waiting for his father to turn and walk back down the stairs, Dean smiled softly at the boy and whispered a soft 'thanks' as he stood, helping Sam up and supporting him with a hand around his waist. After a few moments Sam let his arm fall onto Dean's shoulder and leant against his side, needing just a little more help. Dean didn't seem to mind, but Dean had always been good at hiding how he felt on the inside. Alex waited for them to descend the staircase before he returned to his room to retrieve the files.

Sam and Dean made their way to the Impala in silence, Dean half-carrying Sam all the way to the passenger's side before allowing him to lean against the car. They just stared at each other in silence for a while.

"How's your head?" Dean asked finally breaking the silence, Sam sighed softly, gently massaging his temples,

"I feel as though it's just been put through a blender, and then poured back into my head through my ears." Sam muttered honestly, sighing heavily, he really didn't think he was going to have the energy to go to the Orphanage for some casual ghost busting tonight.

"What did you see?" Before Sam could respond to that question Alex appeared beside them.

"Hey, you ok, we have some painkillers and shit inside if you want some," he offered, Sam just forced a smile and shook his head, groaning as he did and making a mental note not to move his head for a while.

"No thanks, nothing works, trust me, I've tried," Sam explained, Alex patted his shoulder sympathetically before turning to Dean and passing him a black backpack.

"Here, I put the files in here so that my father wouldn't see them, it's probably best that he doesn't know about this," Alex said with a smile, Dean smiled back, taking the bag and placing it in the backseat before turning to face Alex.

"Thanks Alex, for all of this, you didn't have to do any of this for us but you did and I for one really appreciate it." Dean explained, Alex smiled and shrugged,

"Hey it's cool, don't worry about it, I'm glad to have met the two of you, your great guys," Alex muttered smiling softly, "shit, I sound like a girl," Alex groaned softly, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, good luck and swing by and see me some time," Alex said with a smirk, Dean smirked back and gave a slight nod before taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around the younger male. Alex responded by hugging him back, Sam just scoffed in distaste and opened the car door, ducking inside and slamming the door.

Completely ignoring the two men outside as he leant his head against the glass. Before he could get too comfortable though a sharp stinging began just behind his eyes, quickly growing into a sharp stabbing. The girl appeared inside his head once again, pointing at the windows in the room she was in, the bars flickering in and out of the windows. Then she disappeared only to be replaced by the woman he knew to be Evangeline Rosenkreuz. She was trying to say something to him but whatever it was, was lost in the chaos inside his skull. Instead all he could feel was immense sadness, pain, betrayal, confusion and loss, mixed in with deep hatred.

He gripped his head tightly as she began to scream at him, trying to make herself heard but it only came out as this disgustingly strangled, pained sound that made him feel ill just to listen to it. He opened the car door stepping outside and stumbling onto the gravel of the driveway, the screaming had now turned to screeching and he wanted to do nothing else than run away from the horrifying sound. He moved, but was stopped before he could get very far, noting the feel of strong hands on his shoulders.

"Sammy!" Dean shook the younger softly, trying to bring him back round it didn't work and Sam lost himself deeper within flashes of blood, death and pain. He screamed, falling into Dean and cradling his head, Dean merely shushed him rubbing his back softly to comfort him. After a few more minutes Sam calmed down, his breathing slowed and his mind began to clear of all the junk that wasn't his own. One thing was prominent in his mind at that moment, Dean's heartbeat, beating slightly faster than usual perhaps due to the concern he was feeling for his baby brother.

"Sam what's going on, this has never happened before, why so many so frequently, why now?" Dean asked, Sam just shrugged his shoulders, pulling away and collapsing into the Impala. Dean sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair and glancing over at Alex, "just another day for us, see ya kid," Dean smiled softly, squeezing his shoulder before walking round to the driver's side and ducking into the car. He waited for Alex to have entered the house before driving off. Passing the occasional worried glance in Sam's direction. "What'd you see?"

"Uh… the first time, a little girl, and the second Evangeline Rosenkreuz they were trying to explain something to me but I'm not sure what it was all really jumbled and confused. I don't know Dean, not only was I seeing what had happened but I was… I was feeling it too, feeling what they felt. It's hard to explain,"

"You look exhausted, come on, we've got hours till nightfall we can go back to the motel and you can get a few hours whilst I look over these files." Dean explained, Sam merely grunted a response that could have meant anything. Dean chuckled softly and pressed down on the accelerator forcing the car to go faster.

It didn't take them long to get to the motel and when they entered the room Sam immediately collapsed onto the bed his eyes falling closed. He heard the door shut with a soft click, heard Dean walk over to the other bed and perch on the edge, heard the slight ruffling of papers that signalled Dean was reading through the files Alex had given them.

"Tell me if you find anything interesting," Sam muttered, his voice distorted by the pillow his face was currently smothered in. Dean rolled his eyes, frowning slightly at the words scribbled messily in the one folder.

"Go to sleep Sam, you look like shit," Sam sighed, despite all of their playful banter there still lay a hostility in Dean's voice. Still that betrayal and hurt, Sam wanted to close his eyes and never wake up, he wanted Dean to know he was sorry… he wanted… he wanted a lot of things, he always had. Problem with Sam was, he tended to want the things that he knew he couldn't have. He sighed, his eyes closing once again though he did not allow sleep to consume him, merely drifting inbetween the land of waking and the one of dreams.

After a few moments of silence Sam opened his eyes and rolled over, glancing over at Dean who was focused intently on the file folders sat in his lap.

"Dean… what do you think of Alex?" Dean immediately stopped reading, turning to look at Sam, confusion obvious on his features.

"What do you mean?" He asked, voice calm, Sam smirked and shrugged,

"I don't know, you just seem to really like the kid," Sam muttered, "I was wondering if maybe… you felt a little stronger towards him than that…" Sam mused aloud Dean chuckled softly and shrugged.

"Well he's cute but he's a kid Sammy, plus, with my life, I can't really fall in love with anyone can I, constantly moving around, always leaving them behind. I'm not good at relationships with you and dad Sam, let alone someone living miles away." Dean explained softly, returning his attention to the files. Sam frowned, sitting up and leaning back on his elbows.

"What do you mean we don't have a good relationship, ok so we fight every now and then but all in all there's nothing majorly wrong… and dad, he adores you, your like the perfect son." Sam muttered softly, Dean chuckled and shook his head,

"Sammy after what you said to Dr Ellicott I'm sorry but I don't think our relationship is as fantastic as we thought, and dad… he doesn't adore me Sam, he adores you." Sam blinked several times before sitting bolt upright and staring inquisitively at his older brother.

"What are you talking about Dean?" Dean just waved him off, returning his attention to the files,

"Doesn't matter Sam, go back to sleep, you need to rest," Dean explained and for some reason Sam didn't disagree just lay down on the bed and allowed his eyes to drift closed.

_**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN** _

_Hm… I don't know whether I like it or not… I did plan to have them go to the Orphanage in this chapter but it just didn't happen but it shall next chapter (I hope)_

_Anyhoo, sorry this chapter took so long to get up, I had soo much school work to do aswell as computer troubles, so thanks to everyone who waited, it could be worse, some of my other fics are in desperate need of being updated but I seem to have abandoned them in favour of this one, so count your blessings (if your still reading n.n)_

_Thank you…_


	6. Lost

Try Honesty 

**Author- **Luna P aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n Oh, I also own Alex, he belongs to me n.n so if you would like to borrow please ask n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**A/N- **I'M BACK! (cowers as various heavy objects from reviewers make contact with her head) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault, my muses jumped ship for fear of being eaten by the Kraken then my sis got a new computer, hers is the only one with an internet connection but there were so many problems with the internet and stuff and it took soo long to get it back up, it made me cry a few times then when we finally got it back but went down and I couldn't update… sorry…

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN 

_**Lost**_

Soft hazel eyes fluttered open, the world slowly coming into focus as the haze filtered from his vision. He groaned softly as he sat up feeling the blood crashing within his head, a few hazy pictures appeared inside his minds eye, a pounding beginning in his skull, he groaned again rubbing his temples softly whilst trying to work out the blurred images within his head. He really hoped that this wasn't the beginning of another vision, he didn't think that he could take it right now. The last one had felt like his brain was being ripped open.

"You ok Sam?" Dean asked, he was leaning against the headboard of his bed, file folders scattered around him, all open, one sat open in his lap, currently ignored as Dean's attention was focused on his little brother.

"Ugh, fine, I think, what time is it?" Sam asked, rubbing his forehead to try and calm the pounding, he was scared to say the least. Dean lifted his arm slightly, glancing down at his wristwatch.

"Half seven in the afternoon, you've been out for a while, I didn't want to wake you, you seemed almost peaceful," Dean explained swinging his legs round off the edge of the bed, sitting so that he was facing his baby brother. The file still in his hands. "You were right," Sam stared at the elder confusion, sleep still sitting heavily on his brain. Noticing the others perplexed expression he decided to elaborate, "Peter Rosenkreuz was in the army, he did get called to go fight, meaning he had to leave Evangeline on her own, from what I can tell that is when things started to go wrong but it's all a little sketchy. They got worse though when Peter was presumed dead."

"What? What happened?" Sam asked as he stretched the sleep from his body,

"Well the war ended, Peter didn't show up, the next thing you know Evangeline has her husbands senior officer showing up on the door telling her that Peter has been killed in the line of duty. His obituary is in here, a few months later the bars went up on the windows, then staff from the Orphanage started to go missing, others left, not willing to stay any longer. Apparently Eva even fired a few believing that she could cope on her own. The next thing the town knows all the children are dead and Evangeline Rosenkreuz missing. The children were buried somewhere on the grounds," Dean explained, rubbing his eyes,

"So, what are we going to do?" Sam asked,

"If you're feeling ok then we can go to the Orphanage now, try to work out exactly what happened and put all the ghosts within that place to rest." Dean suggested Sam nodded in agreement, all he was really thinking about though was that the sooner they got this out of the way the sooner they could talk and get everything worked out between them. Sam wanted things to just go back to being the way they had been before that goddamned tape.

"I'm fine," Sam assured smiling as if trying to convince his brother to believe his words, he actually felt like his head had just been put through a blender not to mention all of the emotional stuff that was going on between himself and Dean at the moment. He just wanted a break from it all, from the visions, from Dean, from the fights, from the supernatural in general. He just wanted to go back to Stanford to his normal life, he wanted Jessica back, he wanted things to be how they were before. Before Dean came back and dragged him back into the life he had tried so hard to escape from, before Dean had pulled him away from Jess' burning body and convinced him to join him on these stupid hunts for things that lurk in the dark.

Sam glanced over at Dean who was currently slipping into his leather jacket, the thought crossing his mind that everything he did in his life eventually came back to Dean. Dean was the cause of everything he did he also seemed to end a lot of things he did. He was a bit confused as to whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. Thinking back over his life so far, there hadn't been many good things, or at least they hadn't stayed good things for long. Sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if he would in fact be better off without Dean in his life, wondered if things would be better without him…

"Let's go then, it'll be getting dark soon," Dean snapped his baby brother out of his internal musings, grabbing the keys to the Impala off of the side. He stopped when he reached the door, glancing back at his brother with an eyebrow raised at the look of general confusion and consideration his little brother was giving him. "Sam, are you sure you're ok?" Sam just nodded, standing from the bed and throwing on a jacket before joining Dean at the door.

They drove to the Orphanage in silence, each lost within themselves, when they pulled up outside Rosenkreuz the sun was already setting on the horizon. Dean got out of the car and went to the trunk, popping it open and placing all the weapons he thought they might need into a duffel bag. He then grabbed two guns and loaded them with rock salt, passing one to Sam and keeping the other for himself. He tucked the weapon into his belt and grabbed some rock salt and lighter fluid, dropping it into the bag before slamming the trunk.

"Let's go," Dean ordered, heading towards the building, Sam sighed softly, placing the gun into his belt and following his brother. He was not going to hurt Dean, no matter what happened in that place he was not going to hurt him.

The door swung open with a sharp creaking sound that caused both of the brothers to wince slightly, with a sigh Dean stepped in grabbing a couple of torches from the bag and passing one to Sam. Slowly he began to advance through the darkness, Sam following after him, they began to make their way down the corridor when the distinct sound of a young girl laughing filled the air. They stopped, searching for the origin of the sound immediately, there appeared to be nothing there.

"Check the EMF," Sam instructed, Dean nodded softly and removed it from his coat pocket, waving it around, he turned to Sam with a slight smile.

"All the freaks are out tonight," he informed the younger placing the EMF back into his pocket, "of course where they're hiding I just don't know." Dean muttered, there was a loud creaking sound followed by a loud bang and Sam and Dean looked at each other, each coming to the same conclusion. "The door," Dean ran back to the door with Sam on his heels, shaking the door in an attempt to open it, when it refused to open he snarled and kicked it. "Damn it, we're locked in," Dean growled, Sam smirked softly.

"Just another night for us, I guess,"

"I just hope the bars are up there to keep something out," Dean muttered, Sam nodded in agreement, staring at the bars with a sense of foreboding as his older brother started stalking towards the staircase once again. With a sigh the younger ran a hand through his hair and followed his brother. They slowly made their way up the stairs; Dean glanced into the room baring the chalk outlines of bodies for a moment. Sam begging he'd just walk past, he didn't think he could go in there, not yet anyway, he could feel it from the doorway, his breathing becoming slightly laboured. If Dean noticed he didn't say anything, calmly walking away from the room. Sam followed; his breathing becoming easier the further he walked from the room.

"I hate to think what they've done with those bodies," Dean stated, passing another room almost covered in chalk outlines, "shit, how many kids were here… how many got out alive Sam? How many were just ignored by the town…" Sam stared at his brother's back, he could tell that the other was unsettled by all of this, angry that no one had done anything to stop it, feeling guilty that _he _couldn't have stopped it. That was just like Dean blaming himself for something that obviously wasn't his fault, there was no way he could have stopped all of this, he hadn't even been born when it had happened. Yet he still blamed himself, it was an admirable quality, also a completely insane one.

"I don't know Dean, but there's nothing you could have done to stop it so stop internally beating yourself up about it," The elder turned to face him, a slightly irritated slightly bemused look on his face.

"Stop using your freaky little powers to find out what I'm thinking, it's creepy," Sam chuckled softly causing Dean to raise an eyebrow inquisitively, "what's so funny?"

"You, I don't have to use any 'powers' to read you Dean, you're an open book to me, hell you probably blame yourself for there being no oxygen in space, I bet you stand there at night thinking 'damn, I just didn't try hard enough.'" Dean half glared at his little brother before rolling his eyes and continuing down the corridor. The double doors ahead of them opened and slammed shut. "Why aren't they manifesting?"

"I'm not sure, maybe they don't want us to see them?"

"Why not?" Sam asked, Dean just stared ahead at the doors, shrugging softly,

"They're kids, they're playing a game I guess, like hide and seek for ghosts, they're hiding, we have to find them,"

"Not so easy when they're invisible," Sam mumbled, Dean nodded softly, advancing towards the doors that closely resembled those one would find in a hospital. "Dean, are you ok?" Sam asked, walking just behind his brother, the elder stopped in his tracks, spinning on his heel to face his little brother,

"I'm fine Sam, why?" The taller male shrugged softly, blushing a little he wasn't sure he just got the feeling that Dean was upset and he had no idea why, he didn't think he was angry just really… sad…

"I just… the stuff between us… these kids… it's getting to you I know it is," Dean merely stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face, he shrugged and turned around, continuing down the corridor.

"I'm fine Sam,"

"Why don't you just let me talk to you Dean? Why do you keep walking away from me all the time, I'm trying to fix things, trying to sort things out between us."

"You're going to have to try harder Sammy," Dean shot still walking, Sam caught up with him quickly, grabbing his shoulders and slamming him up against the wall, glaring at him,

"Stop it Dean, stop punishing me for the things I said on that tape, they're all true and you know it so why are you so fucking mad that I said it, can't you handle the truth about yourself Dean? Don't you like who you are? Aren't you comfortable with being yourself?" Sam asked, slamming Dean against the wall a few times for emphasis, the elder stared at him for a moment, regarding him with silence before leaning forward, one whispered word falling from his lips.

"No…" Sam blinked, letting his grip fall from his brother's shoulder; Dean didn't look at him, just turned and started walking once again. If Dean thought that Sam was just going to let that go he was wrong, he caught up to him once again, grabbing his older brother and pinning him to the wall just as he had done before. Dean glared at him, "Sam, stop throwing me against walls, it's getting annoying," Dean half joked, Sam just narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean no," Dean raised an eyebrow,

"What?"

"Stop playing dumb, what do you mean by no Dean?"

"Exactly what I said, no, Sammy, I don't like who I am, I'm who I am due to certain circumstances that have caused me to become _me. _I don't like it but I can't change it either, what upsets me is that you… I… just… never mind Sam." He gave up, staring at the door to his left rather than at his younger brother, Sam stared at him in confusion for a moment. Yet his hands did not drop from where they held his brother against the wall.

"What…"

"Just leave it Sam,"

"No,"

"Please,"

"No," the determination in his younger brother's eyes made Dean ever so slightly nervous, though he refused to let this show, staring at his baby brother with indifference. "What don't you like about yourself," Dean smirked darkly, leaning forward, invading Sam's personal space, their faces but an inch from one another's.

"Everything _you _don't like about me, pretty much everything there is." Dean explained, voice low, as if daring Sam to keep going. Sam visibly gulped, how far did he really want to delve into Dean's self-loathing? "Unusually quiet there Sammy, anything you want to say? Anything you want to ask? How much do you really want to know Sam?" Dean asked, voice barely above a whisper, Sam shivered slightly,

"I want to ask a lot Dean, I just don't know where to start," Sam admitted, Dean smirked and shrugged,

"Can't help you there bro,"

"Talk to me Dean,"

"I can't,"

"You can't keep doing this?" Sam explained, staring at his brother with worry and concern evident in his eyes. Dean met his gaze, curiosity burning within his own eyes,

"Can't keep doing what Sammy?" Dean asked, that malicious glint still burning within his eyes. It scared Sam slightly. He had never seen that look in his brother's eyes before, and never wanted to again.

"Tearing yourself apart," Sam explained, Dean just shrugged,

"What are you going to do about it, shoot me?" Sam flinched at the words and a part of Dean regretted saying them but the rest of him was glad that he had. If they were going to move on from this they were going to have to get a lot of things off of their chests, they were going to have to fight, scream, rant, rave, throw a few punches and then kiss and make up.

"Dean,"

"What Sammy?"

"Why are you so mad with me?" he asked softly, Dean smirked staring at him like you would a slow child who was taking far too long to understand something that you viewed as being so simple.

"Ah, ah, play nice now," they both turned to see a woman stood beside them, dressed in white with a horrible sickly sweet kind of smile plastered across her face. Evangeline Rosenkreuz, before either brother could say or do anything a blinding, searing pain shot through their heads and they collapsed, falling into the dark wondrous embrace of blissful numbness.

They came too some time later, both groggy and holding their heads, the soft pounding the indication that they hadn't merely dreamed the events that had previously occurred. Taking in their surrounding they realised one of two things, they were locked in a small room. A small _padded _room, barren of any furniture or anything at all except for the two of them.

"You ok Sam?" Dean asked, rubbing at his temple, trying to soothe the pounding that lay there.

"Yeah, you?" Sam muttered as he stood, using the wall as support, Dean nodded immediately regretting doing so as it sent a fresh wave of pain shooting through his head. He didn't bother to stand, just shifted so that he was sat in the corner of the room, his throbbing head leaning back against the soft, padded, white wall. "What are we doing in here?" Dean chuckled softly, shrugging, eyes closed, easing the throbbing slightly.

"Maybe Eva thought we needed a time out, we were at each others throats out there," Dean mumbled, not feeling up to the task of speaking with perfect clarity at that point in time.

"You sure you're ok?" Sam asked,

"I'm fine," he insisted, "come on, we've got to find a way to get out of here," Dean explained, rising from where he was sat, he leant against the wall for a minute, closing his eyes as his vision blurred and blackened and his head swam. When his head cleared he opened his eyes to see Sam stood infront of him, a concerned look on the younger siblings face.

"Dean? Are you sure you're alright?" Dean rolled his eyes and nodded,

"Yeah, my head hurts a little but it'll pass, now get your butt into gear and find a way out," Dean demanded, Sam just stared at him for a moment longer before walking over to the door and trying to open it. It didn't even budge, after five minutes of searching the walls for some sort of hidden escape route the two gave up, finding nothing and collapsing against the padded walls.

"Well this sucks," Dean growled, glaring at the closed door as if he could somehow make it open with nothing more than the power of his mind.

"I don't think it's so bad," Dean looked over at Sam like he had just grown an extra head,

"Let me get this straight, we're in a haunted orphanage in the forest, no one around for miles, locked in a padded cell with a few, possibly malevolent, ghost wandering around outside and have no idea how to get out. Where is the good in this situation?" Sam smiled softly, shrugging as he glanced up to meet his brother's gaze.

"We have time to talk," Sam explained, Dean glared before standing and walking over to the door, desperately trying to force it open, after a long few moments of throwing himself against the door and not getting anywhere he gave up, glaring at Sam as the younger merely chuckled. "And this time you can't run away,"

"I don't talk Sam, not about what you do," Dean explained, eyes focused firmly on the ground,

"So what? We go through the rest of our lives snapping at each other, growing further and further apart until we hate each other and can't stand to be anywhere near each other? I'm not going to accept that Dean,"

"Look, why don't we finish with Rosenkreuz and then we can talk,"

"No, because you'll just keep putting it off, I want to get this over with now, when you can't go anywhere, when you haven't got any other choice but to talk to me." Sam explained, Dean growled, running a hand through his hair. Why couldn't Sam just let it go? Why couldn't he understand that Dean didn't want to talk about certain things. "What are you afraid of Dean?" The elder let his head fall back against the wall staring at the ceiling yet not really seeing anything.

"Reliving things that I've tried so hard to forget…"

"What?"

"Nothing, please, Sam just… stop…" Sam made his way over to where Dean was sat, sitting down infront of his brother and trying to work out what he was talking about from just studying everything about him that he could see.

"Dean… stop pushing me away," Dean didn't respond, after a long few moments of silence Sam went to say something, then closed his mouth, trying to think of a better way to ask the question he wished to pose. "Dean… did you listen to the whole of the tape?" Sam asked, he had been thinking about it for a while, wondering if he had heard everything or just little snippets of information.

"Why would I do that? I don't think I want to sit for an entire hour and listen to my brother telling some stranger everything he thinks is wrong with me, everything he hates about me." Dean growled,

"I don't hate you Dean," Sam insisted, the elder male stood up walking away from his brother and chuckling softly,

"Is that why you said what you did, is that why you repeated them in the Asylum?" Dean asked, walking back over to where Sam was now stood and backing him into the corner. "Is that why you _shot _me?"

"Dean I was possessed I couldn't control what I said, what I did," Sam explained, Dean chuckled once again.

"Yeah I guess, but the things you said, they hit too close to home, their all on this tape," Dean said removing it from his coat pocket and then sliding it back once Sam had seen it. "So, it wasn't just made up, it wasn't like you didn't think it, didn't believe that it was true, it was just that you never meant to say it to my face, is that right?"

"You should listen to the whole of the tape Dean," Sam said, his voice wavering a bit, as if he wasn't quite sure whether he should have suggested.

"And what would I hear if I did?"

"It's not all bad,"

"Really, so what nice things did you say about me?"

"Dean stop acting like this," Sam demanded pushing his brother away and putting some much needed space between them,

"Like what?"

"Like you're loosing your mind,"

"And what if I am?"

"Don't…"

"Don't what," the sound of crying reached their ears, they turned seeing the form of a young girl crouched in the corner, a teddy clutched in her arms as tears fell from her eyes. She was looking at them, watching, when she saw them turn she lifted her index finger to her lips, signalling for them to be quiet.

"Shh, you mustn't fight you'll make her mad… please… stay quiet…"

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Ok well there is the new chapter, too short and I don't really like it, I'm quickly losing love for this fic meaning I may have to put it on a hiatus, I'm not sure yet but I might, sorry to all of you if that has to happen…

Anyhoo please review and tell me what you thought, maybe positive feedback will revive my muses n.n


	7. Just a note,

Just a note from the NOT DEAD authoress

Ok I am so sorry that I have not updated this in so long if honest it is the fic I really want to do well on so there will be another chapter up some time soon, please don't give up on it, I know it's been a long time and I am truly sorry for that I hope that you won't be waiting for much longer,

Thank you all,

xxx


	8. May

**Try Honesty**

**Author- **Depraved Doll aka Nikki

**Rating- **R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

**Warnings- **Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

**Disclaimer- **Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, in fact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n Oh, I also own Alex, he belongs to me n.n so if you would like to borrow please ask n.n

**Summary- **What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

**A/N- **eh hem, it's been a while, ne? I am sorry for the cough year long wait, been very busy for me so sorry and I'm back and the fics back and thanks for all the reviews and support and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story you deserve it…

_**For all those who have waited and reviewed, I hope you enjoy**_

_**Xxx**_

_**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN**_

_**May**_

Dean was the first to speak, crouching down next to the young apparition as if she was just a normal scared child. Sam couldn't help but smile whenever he saw Dean with a kid, he was so caring, it reminded him of being a child himself, Dean had always been there for him, always cared for him, given everything he had for him even if he hadn't really wanted to. Anything that Sammy had wanted Dean had got for him and he wasn't entirely sure how he had been able to do it. All Sam really knew was that Dean had made growing up without a mother and equally a father a lot easier than it should have been.

"Ok, we'll be quiet, I've seen you before haven't I?" Dean queried the girl; she nodded hugging her doll tighter but said nothing in return. Sam knelt down beside his older brother, glancing at him briefly before turning his attention onto the young child cowering in front of them. "Pretty little doll you have there, does she have a name?" The elder Winchester asked, she smiled brightly, obviously more than pleased to talk about her prized possession. Sam just watched Dean, every little smile, every small gesture, every caring concerned word, the gentle movement of his lips as he tried to get the child to talk to them.

"She's called Mary she says hello," The girl smiled and waved the dolls arm at them both in turn.

"My name's Sam and this is Dean, what's your name?" she seemed to shy away at the question, looking down at the doll in her arms and hugging it tighter before even considering to answer the question.

"I'm May," she said smiling softly again. She shivered momentarily a look of panic crossing her pretty young face, "you must be quiet, she'll come for you if you're not quiet," the girl explained almost crushing the doll with the force in which she hugged it.

"Who will come for us and why?" Sam asked, briefly glancing over at Dean before returning his attention to the girl.

"Miss Eva," she whispered, "she doesn't like us to be too loud, we're not meant to be loud, she tells us to stay quiet." The girl explained so quietly that the Winchesters had to strain slightly to be able to hear her properly.

"What happened to everyone here?" Dean asked, the girl looked at him with a look of confusion on her face a bell rung in the distance and she looked toward the direction that it had come from. She said nothing else before she disappeared once again leaving the two brothers alone. Dean sighed, rising to his feet and running the palm of his hand over his face, Sam knew that everything that was happening was starting to get to him, what he himself had said and the things that had happened to the kids, it was ripping him in two. Dean hated when something bad happened to kids always had.

"You ok Dean?" Sam asked, standing up and walking over to his brother, gently placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Dean nodded, regaining his somewhat stoic composure almost immediately.

"Yeah Sam I'm ok," the elder said yet he sounded more distant than his younger brother had ever known him to sound.

"Dean…" the elder looked up at him their eyes locking for the first time in what to Sam felt like years and he could see the damage that he had done to his brother the most important person in his whole life he had hurt more than he had ever hurt any one else. He would have given anything to take back what he had said on that tape. "You're not ok," Sam said and Dean didn't object to it in the slightest.

"Sammy…" and there was something in the way he had said it that made Sam want to wrap his arms around him and hug him, just hold him and let him know that he was sorry and that everything was deeper than what Dean thought it was. There was more to that tape so much more yet he wasn't sure if Dean listening to it was best, after all Sam had no idea what his older brother would think and once what was said had been said there would be no taking it back. He was sure however that nothing could be worse than having Dean feel as he did now.

"Dean, there's something that you have to know,"

"No Sam, just stop ok whatever it is I'm sure it can wait an hour or so," the elder said, sliding down against the wall and sitting down on the somewhat comfortable floor.

"Not everything's bad Dean,"

"Really, that's not the experience that I've had Sammy, so sorry if I'm somewhat pessimistic," the elder explained with that shit eating grin of his that always drove Sam mad whenever he saw it.

"For God's sake Dean what the hell is your problem?" Sam snapped growing increasingly more impatient with his older brothers behaviour.

"At current Sammy? I'm guessing you," Dean shot back, standing and walking over to his brother, pushing him gently, more of a desperate attempt to get him to stop than anything else. Sam just pushed back, a firmer push that sent Dean stumbling backwards a couple of inches.

"Stop it Dean, stop using that tape as an excuse to be mad at me and push me away, you haven't even listened to the whole thing, stop jumping to conclusions all the time. If I hated you why would I still be here with you? Hm? The tape isn't why you're pushing me away I'm not stupid there's something else something you're trying to hide from both you and me alike. Now choke on this egotistical macho pride of yours and tell me for once honestly what the fuck is wrong with you!" The elder hit him then, hard and fast, and Sam briefly thought that maybe he'd pushed one too many buttons but equally he thought that maybe he hadn't pushed enough.

"Still with me? Do you not remember all those times you left? All the times you've threatened to leave? Told me that you can't wait to get back to your 'normal' life? Whined at me day in and day out for bringing you back to me?" Dean snapped and Sam could see that he was getting mad but so was he himself, everything always seemed to come back to this.

"Me leaving for Stanford? Is this why you're mad at me? Dean, I'm allowed to live my life however I want to, I didn't do it to make you mad I did it because it was what I wanted to do. Something I wanted to experience."

"Without me you would have never gone, never got close, everything I ever had I gave for you, everything, I never had anything left for anyone else, sure it hurt you left but you know what I got over it," He wasn't sure if that was true, if he ever actually had, if he ever would, "I just hate the way you hold it over me. 'I can leave Dean anytime I want, I have something else, you don't,' and you're right." Dean mocked, becoming somewhat solemn but trying to keep up his bravado, "this is it for me, but you know what it was always good enough for me that you had something else!" He slammed his fist against the wall so as not to slam it into his brother's face.

"What are you on about?" Sam asked, confusion evident, "what's all this about? One minute it's the tape the next minute it's Stanford and after that it's just nothing, it's 'I'm ok' it's 'no chick flick moments' but it's not ok cause you keep bringing it up," Sam explained, gripping hold of Dean's collar and slamming him up against the padded wall, getting closer than maybe both of them were comfortable with.

"Oh that's it Sammy get mad, let me see all that resentment, you have no idea what I've done for you!" Dean yelled at him, grabbing hold of Sam's collar more in an attempt to steady himself than anything else.

"I know you were always there, I know you cared, I know you're the only person that I've ever been able to rely on," Sam explained, trying to bring some sanity back into the conversation,

"Act like it then?"

"What? What are you on about, talk to me, tell me what you want from me!"

"I want you to get the fuck off of me!" Dean snarled shaking himself free and slamming Sam up against the wall instead,

"Dean grow the hell up will you, I don't know what your problem is but stop making excuses about it! Just tell me! Scream at me hit me do whatever you want just please learn to bury the hatchet!" Sam demanded, Dean just chuckled and rolled his eyes,

"I have done a million times baby bro, you are the only person that I'd ever do the things that I have for, that I'd ever forgive the way I have,"

"Forgiven for what Dean? Going to Stanford? Why can't you let that go?!"

"Because you left me!" Dean yelled, finally seeming to snap, "Everything that I did I never once resented, never, but then you left, you just ignored everything and left me, and it made me wonder if it all was worth it if you even realised it, cause you know what it didn't feel like it then." He explained, "I still watched out for you, made sure you were ok, called you, when did you ever call me? You didn't, not once, and I guess I know why now, because I'm not good enough for you, a little slut you're ashamed of, is that it?!"

"No of course not?!" Sam insisted,

"Stop lying to me! Tell me why you did it!"

"Did what?"

"Why did you leave me?!"

"Now now children, I think it's time we took care of the both of you once and for all," they both turned just in time to see Evangeline Rosenkreuz smiling down at them before a bright light surrounded them both blinding them and effectively knocking them both out. Sam collapsing on top of his older brother. Unconsciously Dean wrapped his arms around the younger, instinctively protecting him as best he could as he always had and more than likely always would…

_**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN**_

_**Ok first chapter in a long time hope it was good enough I'm just trying to get back into the flow of things, well I hope you enjoy if you're still reading, I'm actually ill at the moment and have been signed off of work so chapters should come faster hopefully, hope you enjoyed, **_

_**xxx**_


	9. Perishing Ties

**Try Honesty**

**A/N- **_eh hem (hides) ok I know it's been a very long time and I am eternally sorry for that I just sort of lost my way with this fic, but after watching a few supernatural episodes again I have found my way again. Hopefully I will be updating this more frequently and as long as you keep pestering me you will get more, I am sorry and as a peace giving please have Sam and Dean and do with them as you will,_

_Enjoy the chapter, this is dedicated to all the people I left waiting for so long, sincerest apologies, _

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**_Perishing Ties_**

Dean is terrified of being alone, it's his weakness, he watches everything around him disintegrate, all relationships he establishes turn to dust and catch on the wind. Out of everyone in his life Dean thought that Sam would always be there for him and when he wasn't he broke a piece of his brother that was irreparable. Sam's always thought that Dean would understand, but Sam never knew of the things that Dean had sacrificed for him nor had he ever really realised how much Dean really cared.

They slowly pulled themselves from the darkness, ringing ears and pounding headaches, Dean groaned into the floor, moving slightly and hearing a clinking sound as he did. He slowly moved so that he was on his knees, heels of his hands digging into his eyes as he forced the blurriness that had consumed them away. Sam massaged his temples trying desperately to expel the pain in his head. Opening his eyes he stared up at Dean, feeling the blood drain from his face as it was an all too familiar predicament.

The elder Winchester had been chained to the wall, exactly as Sam had pictured in his dream, Dean glanced from his younger brother to the shackles around his wrists and ankles, rusted from age and scraping at his flesh. Hazel eyes found those of the younger Winchester a slightly confused look on his face.

"What the hell is going on here?" Dean asked seemingly to Sam but really to anyone who might know the answer, the younger just shrugged, not really sure but still unnerved by the situation they had found themselves in.

"Not entirely sure, don't panic," Sam explained, trying to find a way to undo the shackles, Dean raised an eyebrow at that comment.

"Didn't think I was," He rolled his eyes as Sam began to look round the room for a key with which to open the locks, after what seemed like an eternity to Dean the young Winchester gave up the search. "Sam, I really doubt they'd just leave the key lying around to find after going to all this trouble,"

"At least I'm trying," Sam muttered, Dean just glanced at the chains around his wrists and it seemed that was enough said. Sam seemed distressed, worried, and borderline panicked; Dean hadn't seen him like this for a while now.

"Sam, calm down will you," the younger sighed and ran his hands through his hair, he was on edge he knew it, but he couldn't let Dean know why. Things were just too similar to what he had seen, when he looked at his elder brother they both knew that something was very wrong and that maybe they had found themselves in too deep. "It's going to be ok," neither believed it but sometimes it's good to just hear it.

"I told you," May sat in the corner clutching her doll, rocking back and forth like an addict awaiting their next fix.

"I was always terrible at following advice," Dean said with a smile, the girl didn't smile back just shook her head.

"She's going to kill you," she whispered and the laughter of children and pounding of footsteps became louder and louder, the doll shook in her hands and she screamed. Sam collapsed in front of her. She met his eyes, still screaming a terrible horrific sound filled with the pain of a thousand lifetimes.

"Can you help us?" Sam asked, she glanced up at him, red-rimmed blue eyes and tears on her cheeks,

"No one can help you now just like no one could help us," she whispered,

"Sammy," Dean called out in that husky voice that always meant he was in some sort of trouble. The younger Winchester almost didn't want to turn around; when he did he regretted it immensely. Evangeline Rosenkreuz stood behind Dean, a blade to his throat; the elder Winchester gave a wry smile. "Guess someone's excited to see me," He muttered, she pressed into his neck a little harder.

"I have never come across such insolence," she ground out all but hissing into her ears, she pulled the knife away and slapped him across the face, so hard that her nails cut the skin on his face.

"Stop it!" Sam demanded, she turned her head at an ungodly angle to glance at him; she smirked slowly stalking over to him.

"You honestly don't want me to hurt him? After everything that he's done to you," she wound her arms around him, "after everything he's said to you, how he's made you feel, worthless. You betrayed him, you're family, he'll take everything you love from you so that you're just as alone as he is."

"Don't listen to her Sammy," his eyes met those of Dean's, the elder Winchester narrowed his eyes at her, "what did you do here? What's keeping you here?" she smiled,

"Why does it matter Dean, don't you want to get back at your brother, for everything that he did, abandoning you, looking down on you when all you ever did was your best for him. Why did you always give everything Dean, what sick twisted reason did you have for sacrificing your own childhood like you did?"

"Shut up you crazy murdering bitch," he snarled, tugging at the chains that held him,

"Look at him Sam, like a dog on a leash, lashing out at everyone that gets near him, he just exists to follow orders, doesn't he? He never went out of his way to find a life for himself and he never wanted you to break away either did he? He wanted you to suffer just as he has." Sam was quiet as he listened to her, "why haven't you told him about the rest of the tape? What's so terrible that you're keeping it hidden?"

"Sam, don't listen to her, listen to me, Sammy look at me," Dean all but begged, trying to find his baby brothers eyes, "for God's sake Sam don't do this again," she moved in the blink of an eye, digging the knife into Dean's side, he screamed out and tugged at the chains once again to no avail. Sam yelled out, Eva held him back, smirking all the while.

"He's always going to be holding you back Sam," Sam can't deny that he hasn't thought that sometimes, that he hasn't thought any of it because at one point or another he has had everyone of those thoughts pass through his mind. He glances up at his brother, grimacing in pain as the blood bubbles through his clothes. He's lived a life without Dean, it was what it was, he'd lived but he had missed him, not a day went past when he hadn't thought of him.

Dean groaned slightly as warmth of the blood began to spread across his skin, oozing slowly from the wound in his stomach.

"He's going to let you die," Eva's voice whispered into his ear and he looked at Sam wondering if maybe he would. Wondering if it was the answer to all of Sam's prayers so that he could go back to Stanford and his 'normal' life without any of the guilt Dean might burden him with.

"Sammy," he all but whispered, the blood having soaked through his shirt beginning to drop onto the floor beneath him. Eva smirked, running her hand through Sam's hair and across his face,

"Kill him," she half pleaded half demanded, Sam fumbled for the gun held in the back of his jeans, concealed by his jacket. Bringing it to his side he removed the safety and slowly began to lift it. Dean shook his head as he watched his brother,

"Why Sam?" He just allowed his head to fall, hiding his emotions from his baby brother as Eva continued to whisper orders. "Don't," he all but begged, the begging was followed and ended quickly by the resounding sound of a gunshot.

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_Well there it is I know it was short but I felt I had to get something out ASAP, sorry if it wasn't up to scratch, will get better just trying to get back into the swing of things, once again sorry for the wait _

_Xxx_


	10. Point of No Return

**Try Honesty **

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**Point of No Return**

Dean's the first to move, his eyes so wide that they would be considered comical given any other circumstance, he moves his gaze slowly to Sam, his baby brother rushes to his side, Eva's gone for now along with the little girl and the wailing of a thousand tortured souls. There's creaking and clattering drowning out Sam's words as windows and doors fly open and all Dean registers is Sam telling him not to move.

Sam swaps guns, shooting at the chains that keep Dean trapped, the rust means that they buckle to the bullets after a couple of perfect shots to the weakest parts. Dean falls forward and Sam catches him, kneeling in the pool of his elder brother's blood which reminds him to move fast. He's reluctant to pull the knife out of Dean's side but he can't risk doing more damage to Dean by moving him with the blade still embedded, so he pulls, a quick tug and Dean's screaming out and gripping so hard on Sam's shoulder that he might leave moon shaped imprints in his flesh even with the two shirts and the coat protecting him.

The scream makes Sam want to be sick, he holds Dean tightly, more so than is needed but it's not tight enough for him. He moves fast, finding his way out of the orphanage as if he had the blueprints for the place engraved into the backs of his eyes. He keeps glancing at his brother, he's pale and his eyes keep falling closed and Sam screams at him demanding to know where the keys to the Impala are, Dean points at the left pocket of his jeans, he goes to grab them but Sam's faster. He settles his brother in the passenger's seat, taking off the extra shirt and ripping it to make it longer, he wraps it tightly around Dean's abdomen, lets his hand linger on the skin beneath the make shift bandage.

Sam gently presses down on the skin surrounding the wound, Dean hisses slightly in pain but doesn't try to push his brother away or demand him to stop. The younger's eyes lift to meet the soft green of his brothers, Dean is forcing them to stay open, for Sam's sake more than that of his own.

"I think she missed all of your vital organs, in fact, I think she was trying to avoid them," Sam muttered and the confusion in his voice was just as evident on his face.

"Amazing," Dean all but whispered sarcasm dripping heavily from every word, "Sammy let's just head back to the motel and get me patched up, ok? I'm ruining the seat with all this blood dude and you'll be the one rectifying that if you don't get a move on." He smirks and Sam knows it's for his sake and not just Dean being Dean. The shirt he tied around Dean's abdomen had turned from light blue to deep red and Sam knows he's got to move because Dean's fighting to keep his consciousness and from the looks of it starting to fail.

He speeds to the motel, breaking every traffic law in the whole of America and almost killing a few people as well. He would rather have taken Dean to the nearest hospital, preferring to be safe rather than sorry, when he mentioned it however Dean just gave him a look that had definitely meant no.

When he pulled up outside of the motel Dean was unconscious and Sam bit his lip so hard that he drew blood. He moved as fast as he could grabbing a couple of bags that he would need out of the boot of the car before ripping the passenger door open and lifting his brother out. He felt as though he was moving too slow, kicking the motel room door open and then kicking it closed again. He gently lays his brother down on the bed nearest to the door, he lifts the elder slightly, quickly removing the leather jacket, the shirts he decides to cut off.

He gently removed the makeshift bandage of his own shirt, the blood flow had slowed somewhat, some signs of healing around the very edges of the wound but some of it seemed to have torn back open whether from Dean moving himself or from Sam moving him he doesn't know. He grabs a small battered looking first aid kit from the bag dropped next to the bed, opening it he grabs a cloth and presses it to the wound, after a few minutes he removes it, he grabs a bottle of antiseptic from the kit; he gently poured some onto the wound wiping it off with some cotton pads.

It takes Sam about ten minutes to finish stitching the gash; he rubs a small amount of antiseptic cream onto the area to help stop the bandages from sticking to the stitches as well as an extra measure to warn off any infection. He carefully places a bandage over the injury, when he's finished he just stares at Dean, checks his pulse because he has to be sure. He runs his hand through his hair, paces back and forth at the foot of the bed.

He remembers every time they've had to do this for each other, every pain filled moment when he swears that he has watched Dean's life slip through his fingers. He can explain every scar on Dean's body as well as those on his own, barring a handful which Sam assumes came from the time when he was at Stanford. He feels guilty about that but at the same time he's glad that for a while he didn't have to watch Dean suffer.

"You're gonna put a hole in that floor," the strained tired sounding voice met the ears of the younger Winchester, he turned to see Dean awake and trying to sit up, he rushed over to him, helping his older brother up, Dean gave him a suspicious look which Sam chose to ignore.

"How you feeling?" Sam asked and his older brother smirked a little,

"Better than ever," the younger rolled his eyes and sat next to his brother on the bed, "thanks for patching me up Sammy," he said and the smirk fell into a genuine smile, Sam smiled back.

"Dean, back there, did you actually think that I was going to kill you?" Dean stares at his brother and asks himself the same question, he wishes that he could say that he didn't, that he was just playing along, that he knows that Sam could never really hurt him. He wishes for all of it and more but he knows that he thought he was going to die in that room, he thought that Sam was going to shoot him.

"Sammy..." he doesn't have to say anymore, Sam just nods and looks for the entire world like a kicked puppy.

"What is all this about Dean? I would never hurt you, back in that asylum, that wasn't me," he places his hand on Dean's face, the colour starting to return to the elders flesh. "Could you kill me Dean?"

"Of course not you idiot," Dean snaps and Sam rolls his eyes, his hand falls from Dean's face, brushes along the elders bare arm and settles atop of his brothers hand, green eyes stare down at the touch, his eyes meet back up with his baby brothers seconds later. He looks hurt, he looks like he's about to cry.

"When you find the time Dean, listen to the rest of the tape," a tear slips from the corner of the younger's left eye and he can't believe that his brother doesn't trust him, doesn't think that he would lay down his own life in order to save Dean's. Sam would give everything he has and more to keep the other safe. "After everything I've done, it just takes a few choice words to have you losing all faith in me?"

"I don't know Sam," there's tears in his eyes because he's hurting Sam and for some reason he can't let go of any of it. He can't stop the words from repeating over and over again in his head, he thinks that maybe he should listen to the rest of the tape, maybe he needs to finish it, find some sort of closure in this. He brushes the tear from Sam's face and pulls him into a tight hug. "We're going to fix this Sammy, I promise. As soon as we're finished here, we'll work through this."

Sam nods but he knows it's just a way for Dean to escape talking about things; he's too tired to keep fighting against him all the time. His brothers far too stubborn and at the moment Sam's just far too tired.

They spend days like strangers, nothing more than a handful of necessary words passing between them when there wasn't any silence left to share. Their eyes never meet; they sift through research and anything they can find on the Rosenkreuz orphanage trying to will their problems away by simply ignoring them and pretending that they didn't exist. They hack into the town files whilst dancing round each other like fading ghosts and all the while they're thinking that they should say something but they just don't know what.

Dean watches Sam as he buries himself in work, he can see that everything is starting to get to his brother, wearing him down. Sam rests his head on his hand, tangling his fingers into his hair. The muscles lining his back flex beneath his shirt as he rolls his neck and stretches trying to work the knots out from beneath his skin.

"She's alive," Sam whispers more to himself than to anyone else but Dean picks up on it due to the fact that he's been studying his brother for the past fifteen minutes and the silence in the room is too deafening to make any sound, no matter how hushed, escape Dean's hearing.

"Who?" Sam turns on his chair, looking over at his brother, he smiles wistfully,

"Uh, one of the kids from the orphanage, she uh, she's still around, living in a home on the outskirts of town, maybe she knows something that could help us shut down the orphanage for good." Sam suggested, Dean nodded,

"Dude, how did we miss that?" The younger Winchester shrugged,

"Uh, I don't know, was hidden away pretty deep, I just don't get it, why is it all hidden like this, every town has their secrets some exploit it, some hide it but this is ridiculous. This is burying your head in the sand and the head of every person that comes into this place."

"Well I guess whatever did go down was real bad, maybe the town was involved maybe they've got something to hide cause they're at fault. Killing a bunch a kids and just leaving them to rot not really something you want on the tourist map."

"Dean..."

"Sammy..." the names sit in the air, there's something raw, deep and primal in the almost conversation that lay's dead before it was even conceived. There's something that so desperately needs to be said but that's taboo and needs to stay concealed. They sit and their eyes lock and all words are lost, it's nothing but for the time being it's enough.

"Let's go," Sam suggests and that's that, they're on the road, music blasting and Dean singing along like they're just a couple of normal kids on a road trip. Sam just watches, the way Dean smiles when Sam tells him to shut up. The younger Winchester is perplexed by his older brother, he can't keep up with him, his emotions run hot and cold and he's not sure if a bear hug or a roundhouse punch is coming for him next.

"Dude, why are you staring at me?" Sam feels like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he pulls his eyes from Dean and stares down at where his hands sit folded neatly in his lap. His voice gets lost in his throat; he shrugs and turns his attention to the trees that blur outside of the window.

"I don't think this is working," Dean watches him from the corner of his eye, he wants to object but he doesn't know what he would be objecting to. He doesn't know if his brother is referring to the case, to the hunting and this life again, to Dean and the relationship that is splintering apart between the silence, the broken trust and the pure refusal to talk. He assumes it's the latter and so stands firmly by his choice to just let the comment slip past.

They steal quick glances at each other when they think they're not going to be caught, Sam's heart burns inside his chest, Dean's freezes over a little more. Sam's ready to pack his bags, walk away and forget it all, Dean's ready to let him because he doesn't know how to keep him close any longer.

"I guess this is it," the building is relatively small, only two stories but the length of the place made it seem more intimidating. Hanging baskets and potted plants were scattered all over the grounds, the place seemed a thousand miles away from the cold desolation of the orphanage. "Go on then Sammy, your good with these sorts of people," he smiled his trademarked smile and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean they're old not diseased!" The elder raised his hand and shot his brother an innocent smile,

"I never suggested they were, jeez Sam what is wrong with you, respect your elders," Sam growled at his brother and knocked his shoulder purposely as he stormed past him. "Bitch,"

"Jerk," he's getting annoyed by the constant change in Dean's temperament, one minute they're as close as ever and the next it's like they don't even know each other. He's starting to wonder if Dean has some sort of schizophrenic personality disorder, he hopes he does because at least then he can understand his brother a little easier.

_XxxX_

They walk over to the reception desk where a young woman is sat busily typing at a computer. She glances up at the two of them and smiles warmly, she's pretty, long dark hair and eyes like chocolate, Dean wonders why he doesn't feel anything at all and Sam wonders why Dean just glances up at him and then turns away.

"Can I help?" she asks with a smile and Sam smiles back,

"Yeah, we're journalists with the local paper; we were hoping to speak with Mrs Emily Monroe." He smiles again and the young woman gives him a slightly confused look,

"Can I ask what it's about?" Sam nodded,

"Sure, we just wanted to write a piece about everything she's done in her life, working as a nurse, the fostering she did, the charity work she still does even now. It's impressive a true testament to human kindness." She smiled; happy enough with the lies Sam had just thrown at her.

"I'll let her know that you're coming down, her room is down the hall on your left, number 8," she explained as she lifted the phone and dialled a number. Sam thanked her and then headed in the direction she had pointed, Dean following close behind. They reached the room, gave each other a silent look nodded and then knocked lightly on the door.

A small elderly woman came opened the door, she was slender and frail, had a look of suffering in her eyes and you could see that she had been a beautiful young woman. She was immaculate, long grey hair pinned back and not a single hair out of place, a white blouse and navy blue skirt, she smiled but it didn't seem genuine like she knew what they were here for. She let them in anyway, if she held any secrets within her mind, then after a hundred years maybe she was ready to tell.

"Take a seat," she smiled and closed the door, locking it which had Dean looking for the next nearest exit and Sam smiling to himself, "would you like anything to eat or drink?" she asked and Sam shook his head as he sat down next to his brother on the couch.

"No thank you Mrs Monroe, we're just here to ask you a few questions. I'm Sam by the way and this is Dean," she smiled and nodded to herself,

"Yes with the local paper was it?" she didn't seem as though she brought it but she smiled none the less, "I've had lots of people from the local paper come visit me in my time, they never bring any notebooks and it's started to make me wonder." She said as she sat down on the arm chair opposite them. Dean just glared at Sam for neglecting to bring a notebook. "I'm old but not yet senile," she muttered softly, smiling, "so what are you really doing here boys?" Sam smiled he glanced at Dean quickly before sitting at the edge of the couch and folding his hands in his lap.

"I assume you've heard of the strange things going on at Rosenkreuz," the younger Winchester stated, she sighed softly nodding, "we wanted to ask you about what happened there all those years ago. We have to put a stop this and we need you to tell us how,"

"I'd love to help but I don't know how," she explained, forlorn smile spreading across her face,

"Yes you do," Dean all but growled, "come on, all this charity work, what are you trying to make up for?" Dean asked, standing and beginning to pace the room, "kids are dying up there, hell I almost died up there! What does she want? Why does she do it?"

"Dean," Sam warned, his brother's voice was rising and that was sure to arouse suspicion,

"No Sam I am tired of this game, everyone here just seems to want let that thing go on killing people, what is wrong with you all?" he asked looking over at Emily, "she's killing kids, kids that never did anything wrong, they don't deserve this, why are you all hiding from it!" He grimaced slightly and placed his hand tenderly over the wound in his side,

"Dean," he got up and was at his brothers side in a second holding him up, "you ok?" his brother nodded, Sam turned his attention then on Emily, she looked sad like a million bad memories were playing through her mind for the first time in years.

"Please, just tell us what you know," she sighed, her hands shook and there seemed to be a battle waging inside of her as she tried to decide whether or not to say anything to the brothers.

"She was my aunt, she was a lovely woman, she couldn't have children, broke her heart I think, so she took in everyone else's. You might not think it but she was a good person," Dean scoffed; Sam elbowed him in a gesture that obviously meant to shut up. "She took me in when my mother fell ill and my father went off to war, after a year my father was killed in the line of duty and we moved up here, Eva took over the running of the orphanage and eventually her husband was called out to war, it was that time when men went away and never came back. I think a little piece of her died that day, she was never the same afterwards."

"What happened to your mother?" Sam asked, she smiled but it was filled with sadness,

"She was very ill; she went into an asylum and stayed in there until she died three years after my father,"

"What was wrong with her?" Dean asked, she shrugged,

"I'm not sure; I was too young to be able to remember,"

"So what happened to Eva? How did she go from being so loving and caring to killing all the kids that she cared for?" Dean asked, she sighed,

"I was adopted a year before what happened, one of the only children that ever were, out of all the children they wanted me, the only family she had left. She was ill herself, becoming paranoid, easily confused, forgetful, she couldn't handle the children, couldn't remember their names. Her husband was dead but they never found his body, the staff called doctors who suggested she see a specialist, she told them she was fine accused the staff of trying to take the orphanage from her. She fired them all,"

"What about the bars on the windows?" Sam asked, she looked sadly up at the young Winchester,

"They were put up after I left, from what I heard I think she was trying to keep people away; she thought they were going to take the children away from her. She had taken me away from my mother because of her illness but didn't recognise that it was attacking her as well. She didn't want the children to be taken away from her, they were all she had, the nearest thing to family." She stopped rubbed at her eye absentmindedly, "she wanted everyone to go away and leave them alone, I don't know what happened on that actual night, I'm sorry."

"That's ok, do you know why the towns people didn't intervene, why they covered it up?" the younger Winchester asked,

"They never really did anything, to help her or to stop her from what she did; they just left her to do it and then covered up afterwards. Ever since then it was like a black spot in the history of the town, no one spoke about it, no one was told about it records were burned and eventually it just was forgotten about."

"What did they do with the bodies of the children and Eva?" Dean asked the question that had been burning in his mind since he had first started this case.

"As far as I know they're all buried in the grounds of the orphanage, now I'm sorry but I'm quite tired would you mind leaving now?" She all but whispered with a smile,

"Oh yeah sure," Sam said standing his brother following his lead, they got to the door just as the lights began to flicker on and off, they stopped, looked at each other and Emily who stood behind them.

"Now now, good girls don't talk to strangers," they turned to see Eva stood by the window; she flashed between the images of the woman she was when she had been alive to the body that was decomposing beneath the ground. She walked over to Emily snaked her arms around her. "Isn't it time you came home," she whispered, the old woman collapsed and she chuckled walking over to the Winchesters. "You, you've been a very bad boy," she said walking over to Sam, she gripped him round the throat and lifted him, pinning him to the wall.

"Sammy," Dean yelled running over to him, she glanced down at the wound in Dean's abdomen and he keeled over. She pushed harder on Sam's throat, smirking to herself, the decomposed hand gripped tightly and the smell of her was in the air that Sam desperately gasped down; it made him want to be sick. "Sam," Dean groaned, lifting himself up from the floor as Eva punched Sam, digging her nails into his neck. She turned her attention to Dean, glancing at the wound once again and despite the pain he kept going.

"How interesting," she muttered, she lashed out at Sam once again, hitting him hard and then dropping him to the floor before she disappeared once again. Dean ran to Sam, helping him to sit up he grabbed hold of his face.

"Sammy, you ok?" he asked checking his brother over for any obvious wounds,

"Yeah, yeah go check on Emily," he nodded and crawled over to the elder woman, checking her pulse, it was steady and strong but to be on the safe side he called for a nurse. They exited as the doctor and nurses entered, slipping out like phantoms.

"You alright?" Sam asked as they slumped into the seats of the Impala, Dean nodded his younger brother just rolled his eyes, "let me check Dean," he didn't wait for a response just grabbed Dean leaned over and lifted his shirt. Dean merely tried to shoo him away but failed miserably, "quit it," Sam all but growled and Dean had to laugh, "what?" he glanced up at his brother who was all but in hysterics. "What, Dean what's so funny?"

"You," he said as the laughter began to subside, Sam just rolled his eyes and finished checking the stitches which seemed fine. He tapped the wound for good measure and to get back at Dean for laughing at him, the elder groaned a little and shot Sam a look that could kill. They stared at each other for a while, closer than they had been in a long time, Dean grabbed hold of Sam, hand on the back of his baby brothers neck, he pulled him into him, hugging him. Sam gave a suspicious look from where he was buried in his brother's chest.

"Dean, you sure you're alright," Dean rested his head lightly atop of Sam's, he smiled a little,

"Yeah Sammy," and for the first time in a long time he felt like he was starting to mean it, "think it's time we finished up here and headed on out?"

"I think it's long overdue," Sam said as Dean let go of the grip he had on him, a few seconds later the Impala roared to life and they were back on the road to the orphanage.

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_Ok there's the next chapter, I hope that it was ok and that you like it, thanks to everyone who has been so patient with this fic, the big finale is coming soon O_O so keep an eye out, reviews bring much joy. Thank you for reading, _


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